Because I can't seem to stop ranting, even though I'm feeling better now than I did yesterday. (That might just be because I finally got a certain someone to respond to my text messages though...don't know.) I would just like to say that this isn't directed at anyone in particular...but someone in particular did help to inspire this rant just a bit...and I know that I've been guilty of this as well (or at least a variation thereof) and am trying to correct this habit. Now, I pride myself on saying what I mean...99.9% of the time at least...so it really frustrates me when I realize that there are people out there and in my very own social circle who either can't or won't extend me the same courtesy. One of those is the issue of the infamous phrases "We should get together sometime!/Oh, we live so close to each other! Let's hang out for coffee!/You should come visit me sometime!/I would really love to come visit you!" I know that (some of) these are sometimes said just to be nice and are used to mask a request/favor, in which case, do us both a favor and drop it. If you want something from me, just be direct about it because I will figure out that that's the maneuver you just pulled and it will and does piss me off. Of course, I'm sure that most of you are actually being sincere (or trying to be), but then life steps in and somehow mucks everything up. That I get and can respect. My depression and anxiety sometimes make me not want to see people either. Either that, or my lack of finances prevents me from traveling around. Or the stress from my studies. Sometimes it's any combination or even all of the above. However, please try to not bring up visits or hanging out unless you genuinely want to see and spend time with me, but aren't willing to put in at least some effort into the scheduling of these activities/events. Because I'm willing to work with you to a certain extent, but if you leave the scheduling up to me, only to shoot down any and every suggested place and date and not make your own suggestions, then guess what? At some point, not only will I not want to do anything with you anymore, I will also come to resent you. This pertains to varying degrees to both my platonic and more intimate relationships. I actually find it more infuriating when a potential romantic/intimate partner pulls off shit like this. Because I do really expect those people to say what they mean and mean what they say. More so than what I would from a platonic friend. There is nothing more aggravating to me than to have someone say how much they want to see and be close to me, only to then not fully respond to actually setting up plans for something like that. I mean, that is just beyond cruel and unusual punishment for someone who hasn't been intimate with anyone for the past seven years. That's like luring a hibernating bear out of its slumber with the promise of fresh salmon, only to jerk all of the fish away at the last second. Now, nobody in his/her right mind would do that to a sleeping bear and yet people seem to think it's okay to do that to me. Except that we're talking about sex and not salmon...and I'm not a sleeping bear, but I might be at least as dangerous as one. This also makes me understand what part of the appeal of having multiple partners might be. If you really like someone and they like you, but they can somehow never find time to spend with you, then what? Well, maybe instead of moping around, it's simply easier to bury one's sorrows and frustrations in the affections of another person. It sucks and it's the easy way out and I most certainly wouldn't advise it once in a committed relationship (assuming it's not an open or polyamorous one), not to mention that I really dislike the idea because I like focusing on one person and one person alone (and I think that multiple partners are ultimately more trouble than they're worth...or maybe I'm just jealous because I can't even get laid by one person)...but I get the potential appeal.
Anyways, I would just really really appreciate it if people stopped putting ideas of social and/or intimate activities in my head, only to not follow through with them. It would make my life a whole lot easier and, by extension, everyone else's as well because then I wouldn't wind up having to drive some of you people crazy with my incessant messages of "When can I come see you?/When would you like to come over?/What are your plans this weekend?/etc."
Oh well, that's it from my end for today. Thanks to everyone who read this rant, and thanks to everyone who didn't! Like I said, I'm sure I've managed to aggravate people doing things similar to the ones I just complained about, and I am trying to work on them. Should you ever notice me stepping into my own traps, feel free to let me know. And no, this doesn't mean that I have a person lined up for each day of the week, Miss Bettina don't play like that, but I get why some people might.
Until next time (which will hopefully be sooner rather than later)!
