No more school!

Yes, I have finally made it through the semester people. I've had more lows than ups, but I can always write about that at some other time. Nobody wants to read about my bitching. It really is no wonder that most people seem to think I'm emo... And yes, I actually did write the poem from my last post myself. See? I can write. I just usually think I suck at writing. Also, I didn't want Trifthen to think that I was copying him...

Why do I call him Trifthen on here anyway? I mean, he has posted comments before using his actual first name. Does it really matter? Sorry...I didn't mean to babble that much.

Well...since I've mentioned Trifthen...how many of you have read Rabbit Rue? I hope all of you have. I'm not going to type up a review on it quite yet. I'm going to save that for a time when I'm a little less tired here.

Right now, I'm just glad that I have some time to breath.

Anyway, here is another music video for everyone. I love the song, so hopefully, some of you will like it too. I don't know how good the sound quality is. I wasn't completely satisfied with it, but then again 1) I don't know if this is just my computer and 2) I like my music on the loud side.

Ja mata ne!!!

Return to the surface

Light at the end of the tunnel
Emerging from this dark hole
Body sore and exhausted from the strain
Trouble breathing
And yet moving forward
No time to relax
The flames of passion burning more intensely than ever before
Ready to live
Ready to fight
Ready to survive
Anger, determination, love, compassion, sorrow
All flowing into one
Life and willpower returning

Unsure about the future
Will the darkness return?
No choice
Need to live
Need to fight
Need to survive
Can't stop this fire from burning
Taking slow, but steady steps
Pushing through the crowds
Never willing to give up
Never one to be messed with
Prepared to knock all the traitors back

Should the darkness still catch up
I will fight
and thrive
and even survive
Live to see a new day
And refuse to accept anything less

What's Your Sign?

Those who know me a bit better, know that I love astrology. It's not that I blindly trust and believe what I read, but it's entertaining and astrology can be pretty accurate.
Most people know about the basic zodiac (Aries-Pisces). Quite a few know about the Chinese zodiac, which isn't set up on a monthly, but on a yearly, basis. Of course, there are other types of zodiac systems, one of them being the Egyptian zodiac. Unfortunately, I haven't found much information on Egyptian astrology (I might just be looking in all the wrong places). However, I recently found a sight that seems to work fine...for now.
If you're interested in Egyptian astrology set up in the format of, I guess, the basic western zodiac, then go to Tour Egypt's "Pharaoh's Signs of the Zodiac" section. However, unlike the basic zodiac, which starts with Aries (around the last week of March), this is listed as starting with Thoth (at the end of August). I'm not a big fan of the way it is set up, but it's still interesting to look through.
According to this, I was born in the sign of the Phoenix. My strengths are supposedly being optimistic (yeah right), flexible (it depends), and promoting optimism in others (okay, I actually do like to do this).
My weaknesses are being solitary (I'm sorry, I don't think that this is a legitimate weakness), stubborn (okay, if you're too stubborn or constantly being stubborn, I can see this as a weakness), dreamy (okay, too much daydreaming can be bad...), and unrealistic (I don't know...I'm actually more realistic than some people might think about me...). Then this site also has potential jobs listed. Mine are risky jobs, self-employment, and most probably great engineers. Umm, I'm not one for anything dealing with high risk, and I'm not really interested in engineering. So, that leaves me with self-employment... I do like being my own boss, but self-employment can be quite risky depending on the actual work.
Well, that was fun. Now on to the next website.
Someone set up this website that lists each of the Egyptian signs closer to what they are actually meant to be. However, there are a number of typos and parts of the text don't make much sense, which could be the result of a direct translation...or a poor translation.
This is why I am going to include a third website. soFeminine.co.uk might be geared more towards women, but looking at my sign at least, I don't see anything that would be exclusive to women. So, it should be mostly the same for men as well.
Once you've selected the day and month on which you were born, you will directed to your Egyptian sign. Here I am listed as having been born under the sign of Anubis, which I've read more often than not (Tour Egypt is actually the only place where I've read anything different). As with all signs, you get a brief history lesson, and then a paragraph on the character associated with the god or figure (most or all of the signs are based on the Egyptian gods, I think).
Being born under the sign of Anubis (God of the dead and afterlife), I am a bit of a paradox, like to be alone, in the shade, and anonymous. I am idealist, highly sensitive, honest, and loyal. I have a fatalistic side. I am drawn to the fields of human resources, medicine and teaching. Old wounds never really heal...the slightest upset can make me indecisive...I am very careful when choosing a partner...and so on.
So far, soFeminine.co.uk is the best site I've found for Egyptian astrology, but I'm still looking. Hopefully, I'll find a book or website or something that is more extensive in this area.
Have fun looking up your Egyptian sign and I'll talk to everyone later.

Take care!

The things I find...

Well, I've found something new to entertain myself with. This time it's the Danish music group Infernal. So yeah, I've been dancing to and singing their songs now.
As much as I would like to type up more, my mind has been dreadfully blank all of today. So, sorry about that people.
Anyway, I need to take Benadryl, so I will leave you some videos to watch and hopefully enjoy.

Take care mina san!

Decisions

Yes, I am still having odd dreams. Recently, I had a dream about me feeling faint and wanting to buy food, but I ended up giving so much money to others on the way, I didn't have enough money to buy food for myself. Hmm...omoshiroi da ne...
Okay, I will agree with Shaun...Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd would be hilarious...visually at least. However, since I'm not just a visual person, I think it would be funnier listening to Elmer Fudd raping Porky Pig...
Now, enough with talk about rape...for now. This post is not about rape. Or sex. Or anything like that.
This post is about trends I've been noticing. 2007 is the year of people getting engaged/married and people writing books. I know of three couples who are getting married this year (well, one of these couples is already legally married) and, from what I've read, of at least two people who are writing books. Of course, those two people are excluded from the people I know who will be participating in NaNoWriMo this November.
Since I am feeling kind of left out from all the fun and I am in the mood to step onto the beaten path, for once, I figure I should do at least one of the two: Get engaged or write a book (or at least start writing a book). Chances of me getting engaged this year are nil, and to be completely honest, I am more interested in writing a book anyway. Sooo, I think I'm going to do some major brainstorming while I still have the energy and time, and then slowly but surely get started on my first book. Who knows...I just might write a book on getting married... I'm kidding.
Of course, there's always a chance that I won't be doing anything special this year...other than crocheting massive afghans...
Okay, that's all from me. I'm off to crochet some more, maybe send some of my dear friends messages, do some more reading, watch DVDs, and run some errands.
I also just wanted to apologize to everyone I've been neglecting. My mind isn't in the best place right now (well, it hasn't been for the past 13 years, truth be told)...actually, it would be more accurate to say that not even I'm sure where my mind is...
Anyway, I will do my best to keep in touch with everyone more.

Take care mina san!

Weird...

Yesterday's sleep was filled with dreams of me driving through stop signs and traffic lights, traveling around Europe, going to a Swiss prison that locked its guards inside past a certain time,...and women raping men. I mean, rape isn't a funny topic, regardless of who is raping who, but somehow it looked somewhat amusing in my dream. The screws in this prison were also chocolate truffles...huh???
Okay, this sequence of dreams has been the most light-hearted I've ever encountered. It was also filled with the most random images... I expect dreams to be highly random...but, uhh, not this random!!!
Something else: When I woke up this morning, it felt like someone had thrown a piano on me. My left wrist was in pain...my eyes were completely sore (and I don't mean the regular "Oh gosh, I just woke up, and the light is hurting my eyes"-soreness)...my right shoulder hurt...everything hurt.
However, I think the thing that confuses me most is...why do I feel like I spent all night kissing women? Hmmmm...
Aaahhh...who knows... I need to get to bed. Maybe my dreams will be less random this time around...and maybe I won't wake up feeling like I just spent eight hours making out with people. Wait...I actually wouldn't mind that too much... *hehe*

Oyasumi nasai minasan!

Well, what a surprise...

Since we all know by now how much I love quizzes, and I just saw this on Trifthen's website...well, need I say more?

Your Score: Temperance

You scored 52 change, 27 wellbeing, 80 wisdom, and 51 truth

The angel in the picture above is perfectly balancing and combining the two qualities of male and female, or positive and negative. The angel stands with one foot on the earth and one within the water at foot. This is also a perfect balance of the conscious and the subconscious mind. The red wings are symbolic of the fiery desires of the spirit to learn on a higher level of consciousness and the mountains in the background represent wisdom. The triangle is the higher knowledge that is acquired through introspection as the will to learn and understand can cause within us great doubt, but by following truth, we can select a path that leads us to the wisdom we so desire.

some extra words:

being temperate
finding the middle ground
showing moderation
avoiding excess
mitigating a harsh position
looking for the golden mean
reaching a compromise
offsetting an extreme

maintaining balance
experiencing harmony
achieving equilibrium
bringing together opposites
recognizing all sides
fostering cooperation
feeling centered and secure

experiencing health
renewing energy and vigor
healing
enjoying well-being
recovering
flourishing

combining forces
gathering together what is needed
joining with others
consolidating
finding the right mix
creating synthesis
getting it all together

Link: The What tarot card resembles you Test written by KamikazeParrot on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

News

Well, since the world seems to going down the drain essentially at the speed of light, I thought I'd report a bit on some of the articles I've read about. All of these are courtesy of GMX, which is where I go to to access my main email account.

1) Paris Hilton has been sent back to jail. For those of you who have better things to do with your lives, here is a summary of the backstory to this article: After having been caught driving under the influence several times, having her license suspended, and then being caught driving under the influence without her license, a judge finally decided to send Paris Hilton to prison for 45 days. I thought that this was slightly less than fair, but it was something. Anyway, Paris Hilton left to start her sentence early...right after attending this year's MTV Movie Awards. Okay, at least she was being a good girl about it. Everything was going well, the prison guards were reporting that she was courteous and polite (of course, she was), and then...on the third day of her sentence, she was released from prison...due to medical reasons (supposedly a nervous breakdown).
Now onto the actual article: Judge Sauer (which I, as part-German, think is a hilarious and fitting name for a judge) decided after a day of "freedom" for Paris Hilton (she was to remain in her villa for the remainder of her sentence) that she would be returning to prison. Paris Hilton's reaction to this: crying and calling out to her mother.
There were reports of Paris Hilton complaining that she was cold and hungry in her prison cell. Well, you do have to think about the other people sitting in prison. I mean, you have people with diabetes, AIDS, and other illnesses or psychological disorders that make prison life a literal hell. I think that being hungry and cold would be the least of my problems... Then, you have people like Al Sharpton crying about racial discrimination. I don't know how true that is, but I am more likely to believe that it was discrimination based on wealth and social status. (Contrary to popular belief, wealth doesn't necessarily guarantee a higher social standing and vice versa.) There were also enraged district attorneys, who mentioned that we couldn't just simply set up a multi-layered prison system based on someone's wealth and/or social status. Surprisingly enough, the police are on Paris Hilton's side. Sheriff Baca mentioned that Paris Hilton has some serious problems that were getting worse in prison. (Umm, yeah, of course she has some serious problems. This was new? And of course they were getting worse in prison. Don't the problems of pretty much everyone else get worse in prison?) Another statement was that Paris Hilton had already spent the "average" time in prison for her "traffic sins" (Verkehrssuenden) and that other "traffic sinners" usually only have to sit out a tenth of their sentence. (And this is reason enough to let her go early?)
I hate to say this, but Paris Hilton needs to learn a lesson and get her head out of her butt. She's in her mid-twenties already, for crying out loud. She behaves the way she does and is then surprised that people want to see her dead. I don't think that she should die, but she should at least squirm and suffer a little. If she were to die from one anxiety attack...then she obviously hasn't suffered from enough of them. Honestly, she doesn't seem to care about the people around her. I mean, she was caught quite a few times driving under the influence, even though she could have easily called for a taxi or a limo to pick her up and drive her home. How many lives did she risk each of those times? Has she ever thought about that one?
So, here is my personal message to Paris Hilton (not that she'll receive it, but it will make me feel better): Grow up, baby girl!!! I'm only 21 and I have more common sense and compassion in my right little finger than you have and could ever have in your whole body! You're an arrogant, spoiled, two-faced baby, who hasn't been told to shut up enough in her life. Do yourself a favor: travel around the world incognito (if that is at all possible), go to developing countries, rely on yourself and the kindness of others...and not on your and/or the Hilton money, abstain from parties and alcohol and the social scene in general, and then maybe you will be ready to show yourself in public again.

2) Prince Harry is thinking about leaving the military. Why this? Because in addition to not letting him go to Iraq, he also isn't allowed to serve in Afghanistan. Why this? Because not only have so many soldiers died already, not only is it a highly dangerous area for the average soldier to be in, but it is especially dangerous for a member of one of the most widely-recognized royal families to be in.
According to several reports, Prince Harry is fully aware of this, but being denied both assignments kind of signaled an early death to his young military career (in addition to these denials being a blow to his blue-blooded ego). So, he is now supposedly thinking about "retiring" early from the military. Instead he wants to concentrate on humanitarian work, such as the organization Sentabale in the South African kingdom Lesotho, which helps AIDS-orphans and was established by Prince Harry as a memorial to his mother.
My thoughts: Go for the humanitarian work. Your mother will be proud of you and you'll most likely help more people with that than if you were to stay in the military and drive yourself crazy for lack of assignments. I also doubt that anyone will think less of you, should you choose to leave the military for humanitarian work.
Seriously, can you blame the boy? First off, it's pretty damn certain that he will never be crowned king (and it seems like he's just fine with that). And second of all, he's denied assignments in areas where it seems like they could use more men. So yeah, if I were in his position, I would feel pretty damn useless. As long as he doesn't leave the military to party and be completely selfish, I think he should go ahead with it.

3) Oh Diana! How many lovers did you have? Well, from the sounds of it...at least three. According to the article on GMX, Diana's first lover was the royal bodyguard Barry Mannakee, who died in 1987, when his motorcycle crashed into a car. Even though this collision was reported as an accident, Diana believed it wasn't. She believed that Barry Mannakee had to die because he knew too much about the miserable state of her marriage to Prince Charles. The other two lovers mentioned were her riding teacher James Hewitt (who is also supposedly the father of Prince Harry) and Dodi Al-Fayed (who was also her last lover and died in the same collision that killed Princess Diana). This article came up mainly because the author Tina Brown released excerpts from her soon-to-be-released book "The Diana Chronicles", which will supposedly be available in Germany on June 12th, but already seems to be available here. Of course, this book will most likely be one among many. I mean, it has almost been a decade since that unfortunate collision in Paris. I won't say that I condone Diana's affairs, but she did belong to the more compassionate portion of the world's population.
1997 was a tragic year in that aspect: We lost both Princess Diana and Mother Theresa. Don't these deaths always happen in groups of three? Where's the third one? Okay, sorry, I'm veering off topic.
Anyway, I don't know how good this book is...nor do I know how much of it is true. It's pretty certain that Princess Diana had affairs with both James Hewitt and Dodi Al-Fayed, but I don't know how much longer this list of lovers is.
Who knows...I might even buy the book, read it, and then write a review on it.

Well, that's all I have to say...at least until I find something new to write about.

Take care people!

Raving to keep sane

A lot has been going on. I am preparing to move again, which will hopefully be the last time I have to do this for the next two years. I don't mind moving, and I usually get jumpy after having lived in one place or gone to one school for about two years, but this is enough.
I also need to have my left jaw joint looked at since I feel like shooting myself a lot of times because of the level of pain. Then, of course, I need to ask a gynecologist about my ovaries and uterus because I can't believe that the amount of pain that I've been in for about a decade can be anything close to normal.
What else? I am, as always, overly concerned with humanity, the world, and the universe. Is there anything I can do about it? Well, it's like I told my mother recently, I could do something about it, but then my hands would smart from the amount of people I'd be smacking around. Okay, Spass beiseite, I know that there's something I should be able to do, even if it is just expressing these worries of mine for the time being. However, that is only a short-term solution. Bitching has never gotten us anywhere useful. So, I guess it's on to constructive complaining. Sorry, I probably shouldn't be typing while I'm this tired...
Anyway, eventually, hopefully in the near future, I will think of something useful and compassionate to do for everyone.
Okay, I'm starting to draw blanks, so I guess I'll type a longer post later.
As for me raving to keep sane (or as sane as I can be), this video is of one of the many songs that I've been dancing and listening to. It's from Scooter's album Stadium Techno (if I'm not mistaken) and it's called Maria (I like it loud). It also has a guest appearance from Ralf Moeller, who has played in movies and series, such as Conan The Adventurer (1997-1998), Gladiator (2000), Die Nibelungen (Ring of the Nibelungs) (2004), Beerfest (2006), Pathfinder and Seed (2007), and has finished work on Postal (2007). Even though he is funny in the video, I still shudder slightly at the thought of Ralf in this video and am trying to forget about it.
By the way, before you watch the video, here are a few more things I'd like to say:
1) Don't forget to read Trifthen's webfiction. He's already on the 10th chapter, I believe. So far, there are updates every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
2) Personal message to Adrienne: I love you too! *mwah*

Watashi ga taizen da to omoimasu.

Well, Anime Central is over and all of my boys are at home again. Because I didn't/couldn't go this year, I was, of course, very curious of what went on. Naturally, the one person I didn't need to hear from, I, well, inadvertently heard from (mainly because the living room TV doesn't work). I got to hear him say things about friends of mine. Things that I didn't really appreciate...especially since they were coming from him. He also took a stab at trying to figure out why my friend/roommate (as opposed to my boyfriend/roommate...or as opposed to him, the prick/roommate) attended conventions. However, he doesn't know jack about anything or anyone, so he should shut up!
Anyway, I've slept on it and decided that it would be completely against my usual personality to curse him out. It's hard. Really hard, but I know what types of people my friends are (or at the very least, I have a much better clue than he does) and if I let him get to me, it will just go to show that he is of some significance in my life. If I've learned anything in the past 21 years, it's that ignoring someone/something is more damaging than any physical or verbal attacks that I could hand out.
I think that's all I have to say for now. And yes, I actually do feel quite calm/self-possessed.

Take care mina san!

Es ist wieder Zeit fuer einen deutschen Eintrag

Tja, es ist schon ziemlich lange her seit meinem letzten deutschen Eintrag, nicht wahr?
Heute ist Muttertag, also "Alles Gute!" an alle Muetter, Grossmuetter, und an die Leute, die sich liebend um andere kuemmern.
Was geht bei mir heute ab? Nichts...ueberhaupt nichts! Ich bin gestern ins Kino gegangen und hab "Hot Fuzz" angeguckt...alleine!...und dann bin ich etwas spaeter ins Bett.
Unglaublicherweise bin ich nach nur drei Stunden oder so aufgewacht! Ich hab schon gedacht, dass es mittags ist, aber nein...es ist erst 8 Uhr morgens gewesen.
Schon seltsam, oder?
Hmmm...ich bin gerade dabei drei Buecher zu lesen und ich schaue mir "The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency" und "Excel Saga" an. Also, sehr viel geht bei mir momentan nicht vor...
Na ja, hoffentlich melde ich mich bald wieder!

Passt gut auf euch auf!

Melancholy reigns supreme

I usually avoid songs like this, but somehow I am in an especially melancholic mood right now. So, this song just happened to draw me in, and I can relate to it almost completely...and I believe that I'm not the only one.
So, here is another video: Girls Aloud's "Life got Cold" off of their first album Sound of the Underground.

Some things are too good to be true

Well, as some of you might know, I suffered from a pretty bad cold for about two weeks last month, and was recovering from an exceptionally stubborn cough. This week my body decided it would be nice to add a series of vicious sneezes into the mix. Now, I'm getting the odd feeling that the sneezes might not be from another cold, but an allergy instead. Here's my problem: What the hell am I allergic to?!? I've had these types of sneezes before, but after going through two allergy tests, they weren't able to find anything. Sure, the doctors suggested that I might belong to a group of people who experience allergic reactions through the nasal cavities, but I never went through that kind of an allergy test.
For now, all I can do is take some allergy medication and do my best to find out what I am allergic to. I usually don't like taking allergy medication because it causes practically all of my muscles to relax, which is bad for driving, cleaning, and...gymnastics, among many other activities. Oh well...shikata ga nai ne.
Anyway, I need to shower, take more allergy medication, and think about whether or not I want to go to the movies (and if so, what movie I would like to see).
Hopefully, this will get better soon.

Take care mina san.

I'm done! Yatta! Yatta!

Well, the semester is now officially over for me...and now all I want to do is poke holes in the air or pass out. Unfortunately, I am only granted a brief reprieve since I have to set up a new schedule, look at apartments in Urbana/Champaign/Savoy, pick one, do some major cleaning, find a supplementary job during my "vacation", and fulfill all of the duties that I am usually expected to fulfill.
This semester, like the last, was a disaster. Unlike last semester, it didn't take such a high toll on my already cracked emotional/mental/physical states, which I am quite grateful for. Who knows...maybe by the time I graduate, everything will be the way it was...umm...before 2006, I suppose?
Ah well, enough of my whiny ass. I have a bladder to empty and body to feed. Maybe I can write about something more positive in my next post.

Take care mina san!

Babbling Benedetta

Well, May is finally here and a potent combination of excitement, anxiety, and sorrow are leaving me with the same bittersweet aftertaste that blood usually does. I want to feel some relief, but all the scratching in the world couldn't get rid of this itch...at least not until about a month after finals.

I met quite a few interesting people this semester, which doesn't happen a lot. Of course, being in a Japanese class with only about 12 students kind of forces you to get to know everyone else. So, now I'm quite sad thinking about all of the laughs and conversations we shared in and out of class. But who knows, we might be able to stay in touch and see each other again in other classes.

Yesterday I took my Japanese final, so now I have three more to go. I know I won't get 100% on the final, but I think that I did quite well.

What else has been going on? Well, the remnants of a cold that just don't seem to want to go away, a right knee that has been bugging me (which is odd since that's supposed to be my good knee), a sudden increase in dizzy spells again (which might be caused by the combination of a cold and anti-depressants), overwhelming nausea (that is probably also caused by anti-depressants and/or thyroid medication), and experiencing the oh-so-familiar pain that accompanies my ovulation (only this time, it seems I am dealing with two eggs instead of one, since both ovaries are causing me pain).
I know that things could be far worse, so I'm glad to have been given this relatively minor burden.

Other news: I was planning on going to Anime Central this year, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be...*sob, sob* I'll be fine as soon as the convention's over...and I guess I'm already over the fact that I'm not going...at least I'm not feeling anything at the moment. Sure, it would have been great, but oh well.

Next topic... My dad and my younger sister had their birthdays this week...and my younger brother's will this upcoming week, so yay...I guess. Three Taureans in one family...that's at least two Taureans too many. At least.

Umm...well, I can't really think of anything else to babble on about. Not now, at least.

So, have a nice evening mina san, don't fall on your faces, but if you must...do it with flair.

Video clips galore

Yes, I'm lazy. I'll write an actual post...umm...later today. Right now, I just want have everyone to join in the fun and watch some funny clips...or disgusting...maybe both. Learn to like them, okay?

Okay, don't watch this if you don't like Japanese TV or homosexuals (well, very flaming homosexuals) or butts or faces on butts or...oh, who cares? Just watch it and damn me later.



I just watched this one for the first time a few minutes ago and at least my boyfriend and I thought it was hilarious. It's nothing against Lindsay Lohan, but it's still funny.



This clip is in German and sadly enough, without English subtitles. It is from a German comedy show called Die Wochenshow and it's kind of like Saturday Night Live or Mad TV. This clip is from one of my favorite skits Sex TV with Brisko Schneider. My mother should really appreciate it. If you want to know what they're talking about in this clip, just send me a message and I'll be more than happy to provide explanations. Other than that, it doesn't really matter if you understand it or not, it's still funny to watch and listen to the voices.



Again, a clip from Die Wochenshow, but this time from another one of my favorite skits Der Erklaerbaer.



I know, another German clip. For this one, you really don't need to get what is being said. It's from another comedy show, Bullyparade, and the clip is called Der kleine Hitler (Little/small Hitler...yes, that Hitler). It's a hilarious clip.



This is from Bully's Partnerboerse, also from Bullyparade. Here the people get to say what kind of a partner they are looking for (kind of like classified ads, but on TV), but that often doesn't go the way it's supposed to...













Another clip from Bullyparade. This time it's Robin Hood showing off his gangsta rapper style. And guess what...it's in English! (Yay!)



Okay, I'm done. Too many video clips for one post. I'll type another one in a few hours. I need sleep people, so good night.

British Invasion

Well, I'm too lazy to post something more extensive, but I would still like to share a video. It's from the British girl group Girls Aloud, who have released quite a few cover and power pop songs (well, around 4 albums worth). I like them and their sound in general. In addition to that, they all happen to be quite attractive.
So, have fun with it, dance, sing, jump...pretty much whatever floats your boat.
Oh, and...take care people.

Shameless Plugs and 100th Post (yay!)

Well, I have two sites for everyone to visit. If you check my Links section, you will see one listed as Fulltang. Click on this and it will lead you to the Livejournal of one of my dear friends. Just read his posts and show hime your love. Maybe he'll update more often if more than one or two people read and comment on his posts.
The second site was set up by one of my closest and dearest friends. Again, check the Links section, click on Trifthen's Webfiction (it's listed directly underneath the link listed as Trifthen), and read his entries. He has been superbusy writing chapter outlines and typing up these entries. Yet again, show him your love by reading these entries and sending him comments on his main site. So far, I like what I've been reading and no, this is not me "buttering him up".
As you can see in the title, this is also my 100th post, which really isn't that impressive, considering how long I've had this blog. I'm still happy about it though.
Well, I guess I'm done for today. I'll try and update soon. As soon as I possibly can, at least.

Take care mina san!

300

Well, I said I would post more about 300, so this is exactly what I'm doing now. This is such a pretty movie, even with the violent nature of this movie. It's funny because yes, the movie is violent, but the violence isn't overpowering. 99% of this movie is filled with men, which I'm perfectly fine with. I mean, this movie does deal with Spartans, so that means loads of testosterone. Of course, there were women in the movie, but most of them were extras. This made it relatively easy for Lena Headey to stand out as the only main female in 300. Not that she has any problems standing out in a crowd of females... Lena Headey played the beautiful and strong Spartan Queen Gorgo, in case "the only main female" wasn't a dead giveaway. I am always surprised with Lena Headey because she almost always looks kind of tough and edgy at conventions and other public appearances, but she's always so soft and feminine onscreen (she never loses her toughness though).
This sort of leads into my next point: the love scene between King Leonidas and Queen Gorgo. It was quite interesting to watch, especially because the audience either started giggling, talking about something completely unrelated, or everyone just shut up. I had read somewhere that this love scene was described as "Skinamax", which for those of you who don't know, Skinamax is a reference to the softcore porn movies shown on the Cinemax channels. I don't know how true that is since I've only seen one of those movies and I was listening to two gay guys pretty much discuss and question the appeal of heterosexual sex. So...yeah. Anyway, with how male-centric this movie was overall, I thought it was quite fascinating that the love scene was female-centric. You barely saw anything of King Leonidas and that Queen Gorgo was quite clearly enjoying herself. I don't know if this was on purpose or what was going on, but I just thought I'd point it out.
Now onto Xerxes... He is tall!!! (Yes, I realize that the actor isn't actually that tall, but I can still be impressed.) Okay, while I was watching 300, I kept on thinking "You know who would make good-looking Spartan? Rodrigo Santoro." Then I found out he played Xerxes! What?! That was a surprise... Rodrigo Santoro can play the really sweet good guy and the hot bad guy, but I was surprised that I couldn't recognize him. I don't know why I was because he was covered in chains, gold paint and make-up, he was bald and they decided to record another voice over his.
Another person who stood out was David Wenham, who played Dilios. Dilios was pretty much the narrator and was also the guy, who had his eye covered up with cloth. I never would have guessed that David could bulk up the way he did for this movie because he just didn't seem like that kind of a person. In addition to that, he was already attractive without showing off so much of his body. There's not much else that I could say about him. He's just amazing. I love his voice, his face, and his overall personality.
The last person I would like to talk about is my favorite actor and someone I consider to be one of the most attractive people ever. Gerard Butler was, in my opinion, the perfect choice for King Leonidas. He has a very strong voice and presence, and he doesn't lack any emotions. I've been a fan of Gerard's for about 5 or 6 years now and he never ceases to amaze me. I was kind of expecting his career to take off after "The Phantom of the Opera", which didn't really happen, so maybe he will gain the success he deserves after this.
So, 300 is definitely worth watching, at least once. And...if there's anything I've missed, or anything you would like my opinion on (yeah right), just let me know.
That's all from me for today. I am now off to enjoy my first day of spring break, or at least I will attempt to. I also can't wait for 300 to be released on DVD. Yes, I'm a horrible person.
Okay, I'm done. Let's hope that this won't be my last post.

Take care people

Alive...barely

Well, I'm going to keep this short, sweet, and simple...maybe. All you need to know is that I'm still alive (kind of), and I am doing my best to keep my world intact.
I went to the midnight showing of 300 on Friday morning. 300 is such a pretty movie...
I won't be writing much about it in this post, but I will say that I adore Lena Headey, David Wenham, and Gerard Butler. They are great actors and seem like people you could just hang out and be friends with.
Okay, that's all from me.

Take care

Happy Valentine's/ National Condom/ Single Awareness Day

Yes people, pick your day. We have Valentine's Day for the romantically-inclined couples among you; Single Awareness Day for the mildly depressed, lonely and longing, or the independent; and of course my pick and personal favorite: National Condom Day (whoo!).
Well, that's all I really have to about (insert your day).
UIUC actually showed that they had some common sense and not only cancelled all of their classes yesterday, but also all of today's classes, which made me quite happy. Of course, one of my room mates/friends still drove to work yesterday and ended up getting stuck on his way back, which was quite annoying because he got stuck unbelievably close to home.
So, my boyfriend, this friend, and I wandered through what could be called snow deserts to try to free his car from the snow and get it home safely, but alas, no such luck. There were about 6 other cars stuck in the same area and we wouldn't have been able to get the car very far anyway. I almost sprained my ankle at least a few dozen times on the way there and back, which almost caused me to just lay on the snow and call it a day, but I'm not the type of person to give up and in. Unfortunately, I thought my body was going to completely shut down on me after we got back last night, I might get a cold (I had quite the cough last night and my voice is still raspy), and my ankles and calves are making me pay for last night. Oh well, this is a small price to pay if it means that I can be of at least some help to the people I hold near and dear to my heart.
The good news is: He managed to get his car back today and it is now parked safely in the carport.
I do regret though that I forgot to take pictures of the mess outside, but there's not much I can do about that now.
Hmm, what else is there to write...
We had quite the relaxing day today. We watched the unrated extended director's cut of "The Grudge" along with a track produced by the guy, who I guess produced the Mystery Science Theater 3000 show. However, that track was recorded for the theater version of "The Grudge", so we ended up getting commentary that didn't make much or any sense at certain spots of the movie. Then we got food and attempted to get the car out of the snow, but in the end, a tow truck had to get the car out.
Anyway, I need to finish up, so I can get my school stuff ready, read another chapter from "Monkey", and relax while watching "The Grudge 2". Didn't I say that I was sick and insane? Who knows if I'll even make it to the movie-watching part...

Talk to everyone later.

Should I be stupid or play it safe?

Okay, for those of you who aren't sitting in this: Throughout pretty much all of Illinois, among other places, we are now under a blizzard warning and even though this doesn't seem to be the main focus, part of this area is also under a tornado warning (check weather.gov). All I can say is: Please don't. Don't hit us with both. I know life isn't fair, but this is plain bullshit (sorry).
Also, the University of Illinois (at Urbana-Champaign) still hasn't cancelled classes, which means that I technically need to go to school in the next 20 minutes. Here's the thing, I live about 30 minutes away from the part of town I need to get to and my car isn't made to drive in this weather. Weather.gov already says "do not travel" and that if you have to travel, you should take a winter survival kit with you. I don't really have that either.
I've already had one professor cancel class, but another stated that we would be having class unless the University cancelled all classes.
Excuse me, have you checked the weather outside?
The thing is, it's not really the snow that's the issue, but the strong winds that keep on blowing the snow around.
Oh well, I'll check and see if I need to go babysit today, and if I do, I might as well attempt to go to the one class I have today, but I don't know... Wow, I think my mind just went blank.
No, you know what? I'm not going to class. If you have courthouses, public libraries, and all of your schools closed, I am not going to my class. The only way I'm going to school today is if they actually come to pick me up and take me back home after that.
I'm insane, but I'm not stupid. This isn't supposed to be an insult to everybody who has to be out on the roads. If anything, I'm highly annoyed at UIUC.
So, while the snow continues to fall and pile up and the winds continue to blow, I will sit here, force myself to eat and drink something, take my meds, do at least some of my homework, read, and watch TV and movies. And who knows, I just might get some cross-stitching and crocheting done.

Since I have begun typing this post, I checked weather.gov again, only to find out that what was listed as a tornado warning was actually the blizzard warning. Stop confusing people, okay weather.gov?!

Well, to end this post, I would like to give you something entertaining to watch. And yes, I am a sick sick person...

This week's score: Bettina: 1...Death: 0

Yes! I have managed to survive yet another week.
Sooo, let's see what I have to report...
Monday went over pretty normal. Tuesday did quite a number on me because I thought I knew where I had put my meds, but I just couldn't find them until after I had managed to make it home relatively safely and slightly shaking. Damn anxiety disorder... All I have to say is: NO MORE SNOW! Note that I am writing this after having checked weather.gov and finding out that there is a forecast for even more snow early next week. Ummm...Wednesday I was 15 minutes late for my Japanese class, which really got to me because I had a chapter quiz that day. Oddly enough, I still managed to be the first to finish the quiz. Nothing much happened yesterday...wait...oh yeah, I nearly killed myself yesterday! On campus, several of the buildings have very smooth steps, which become dangerously slippery with only a few drops of water on them (okay, it takes a bit more than a few drops...). Anyway, I managed to nearly break my neck walking down one of them and almost bust my knee open walking up another set of those stairs. Then I nearly sprained my ankle because I am completely incapable of walking...on grounds covered with unevenly pressed-down snow. Well, as for today, I woke up with a sore arm, which was caused by me sleeping on the tube of my sleep mask. Unfortunately, I also woke up ten minutes later than usual, but oh well... What else... I had my first midterm exam (Japanese) today, which is kind of early in the semester, but since I have two midterm exams for Japanese, I guess it works.
Well, I think that pretty much covers my week. I am also quite happy to be watching "Dirt" again. "Dirt" is a show with Courtney Cox Arquette that deals with the world of gossip and tabloids and well...dirt. It's actually pretty good. It has interesting characters, storylines, and like FX's other series "Nip/Tuck", it manages to push the boundaries of what "regular" television has to offer. In addition to that, it reintroduces us to Paul Reubens, who has a recurring role as the main character's former mentor.
Huh...I think I'm done. For now at least...

Talk to you later,
Bettina

This should explain quite a bit...

Yes, I am being quite lazy with this, but I really liked these quizzes and I'm curious about who would get what result. So, look over these, read my comments on each result, take these quizzes and let me know about your results. Have fun!

You Are Absinthe

You are a sloppy drunk, purposely so If drinking doesn't make you feel crazy, it's not any fun Truth be told, you tend to prefer drugs to drinking But you'd never pass up any absinthe that came your way!

What Alcoholic Drink Are You?

I don't think that I'm a sloppy drunk. I pay way too much attention to my friggin' image to let myself become a sloppy drunk. I might be a clumsy drunk, but so far I've only been drunk once. Usually I just get pretty buzzed. And about the clumsy part: Well, considering that I'm already quite the klutz, alcohol doesn't really make that a whole lot more prominent. As for the drugs...I take medicine and dietary supplements, those are the only drugs I take. Other than that, I am very much against drugs. However, it's true, I don't think that I could ever pass up a glass of absinthe... So, yay! I'm absinthe!

You Are From Pluto

You are a dark, mysterious soul, full of magic and the secrets of the universe. You can get the scoop on anything, but you keep your own secrets locked in your heart. You love change and you use it to your advantage, whether by choice or chance. You don't like to compromise, to the point of being self-destructive with your stubborness. Live life with love, and your deep powers will open the world to you.

What Planet Are You From?

I'm not too surprised with this result. Even though it seems like I'm revealing superpersonal information on this blog, I'm not really. Most of my posts are quite superficial. Yes, I am a dark and mysterious soul. That's nothing new though...

You Should Rule Saturn

Saturn is a mysterious planet that can rarely be seen with the naked eye. You are perfect to rule Saturn because like its rings, you don't always follow the rules of nature. And like Saturn, to really be able to understand you, someone delve beyond your appearance. You are not an easy person to befriend. However, once you enter a friendship, you'll be a friend for life. You think slowly but deeply. You only gain great understanding after a situation has past.

What Planet Should You Rule?

Okay, I have already written this one down in my calendar. I am going to rule Saturn one of these days. The dark and mysterious soul from Pluto is going to move to Saturn. I'll become the dictator, queen, or empress...or something...
It's true, I'm not easy to befriend. I'm painfully shy and I suffer from a slight case of social anxiety...then there's always the fact that I don't really trust...well, anyone (with a few exceptions). I've been stabbed in the back a few times, so I've learned to hide in my shell and stick my claws out whenever I first meet somebody new. This doesn't work all the time, but it works often enough for now. Slow thinking... Umm...duh. That's the way I am, I think slowly but deeply. I do think more quickly than most people might imagine, but I usually have to check my thoughts three or four times before I can do anything. So, considering all of the work that my brain goes through, I can think pretty damn fast.

Anyway, that's that, I guess. I am absinthe...I am actually from Pluto...and I should rule Saturn. Well, I guess I'll work on becoming the ruler of Saturn then. I'm looking forward to it!

Later people,
Bettina

Poll (Part One)

Hey everybody,

As some of you might remember (most or all of you probably won't though), I had been planning on setting up a list of the most attractive people in the world. Well, I ended up with a long list of names, but now I can't put them in any kind of order. To help me do this, so I can at least attempt to introduce various types of beauty to...well, everyone reading this blog, I would like for you to send me a list of the names of people you consider to be the most attractive.
This way, I hope that my list will become even more diverse and interesting.
Male, female, athletes, scientists, authors, actors/actresses, models, French, American, African, Russian, etc. It doesn't matter. Just send me some info or links to websites pertaining to these people and I will be able to (hopefully) bring some order to my list, expand it, and put it up on this blog.
I am not setting up a deadline for this yet because I want to see if anyone will respond to this first.
If you don't know how to get ahold of me, you can either include the list as a comment to this post (I would only suggest this if your list is really really short) or if you are part of the Myspace universe, you can always send me a message that way (check my Links section...it should be listed as "Bettina on Myspace"), or if you know my email address, you can always send it there.
Ummm...I think that's all I needed to say. I hope to hear from at least some of you soon.

Have a good night everyone,
Bettina

Blogging For Choice

You know, I was going to wait until the weekend to type up my next post because I've just been too tired during the week, but then I saw that today is "Blogging for Choice" day...and well, what can I say...I just couldn't resist.

If you're curious how I found out about this, check Cipherpunk's Livejournal (http://cipherpunk.livejournal.com/154795.html) and Trifthen's site(http://bonesmoses.org/view.php?id=186).
(Note: The addresses are set up this way because the "insert link" command didn't work the way it was supposed to, and I need to go to bed, so I'm not going to look into it any further tonight.)

Pro-choice and pro-life...I really don't like either of those terms. So, what could I possibly write about reproductive "issues"? I'm afraid that my parents won't be overly happy about at least a few things I will be writing about in this post, but I can't please everyone. Especially not when I'm writing about such a controversial topic.

First of all, if I have to label myself, I am pro-choice. Why? Well, there are a few reasons, but I guess the main one is that abortion can be traced back all the way to Ancient Egypt (if not even further back than that) and that there will always be women who will go through with abortion... Shut up, I'm not quite done yet. Now, if a woman really wants to go through with an abortion she will do so...in whatever way possible. This can result in more death and infection than necessary. So, I would rather have abortion legalized and regulated, and have the women be healthy and safe. Or at the very least, healthier and safer.
I have already been labeled as a "cold-hearted bitch" by my younger siblings because I am pro-choice, but this is one of the few times when I couldn't care less about what people think about me.
I know that my boyfriend and my dad are both against abortion, but they also belong to the group of people who think that guys should stay out of it because it's the woman who carries the child...and not the man (unless we're actually seahorses and I haven't received the memo for that yet).
My dad is also the kind of guy, who would marry the girl he happens to impregnate. How do I know this? History, people...history. It's happened before. Before my dad met my mom, he impregnated a young woman and, feeling it was the proper or honorable thing to do, he proposed to her and they got married. She gave birth to my older half-sister in 1979 (if I am not mistaken) and everything seemed to be okay. Unfortunately, nothing is ever as it seems...it's not like we live in some pussy version of a Grimm fairy tale...and she ran away, with child and her boyfriend. So, where did she run off to? California, of course, so she could squeeze as much money as possible out of my dad. My dad, in the sometimes sickening goodness of his heart, offered to adopt and take care of this girl...his child, but I guess that the money was far more appealing. Therefore, I know I have an older half-sister and I've seen at least one picture of her, but I've never met her.
Okay, I'm getting kind of off topic here, sorry.
Back to reproductive rights...
Of course, I am not for people running around having unprotected sex with whomever they please, women getting pregnant as a result of this, and then having multiple abortions within any given year. That's beyond stupid and reckless. That's why I think that you should also go to counseling or therapy to determine if an abortion is the right path to take...unless there are life-threatening circumstances involved.
Another issue in the reproductive rights universe is that some men don't want to provide for their future children. Well, being a female (physically at least...it's pretty evenly divided neurologically I think), I would tell that man to go ahead and leave. I don't need someone like that around me and my child. Seriously, I would rather be alone and working my butt off than have someone tell me what to do with my body or have a bitter man let out his anger at an innocent being. In this case, I would demote the "father" to "tool", and proudly claim that I conceived the child all by myself. If you don't believe that I would do such a thing, you obviously don't know me.
The same thing applies if I happen to get pregnant and I want an abortion. If my partner wants to force me to have a child I'm not ready for...out. I know that I'm making this sound far easier than it would be, but some things just have to be done.
As for whose choice this would actually be...first and foremost it should the woman's, but if you're in a relationship, you should have an in-depth conversation with your partner about this.

Last thoughts: Religion and government don't mix. Last time I checked we aren't in a theocracy. If we are, I would like to move...to Saturn...or Pluto. Stop bombing abortion clinics and killing those doctors because that is just plain cowardice. Stop acting like little brats about this and similarly controversial issues. And...stop the whole "abstinence only" BS because that certainly isn't helping to decrease abortion rates, or teenage sex and/or pregnancy for that matter.

That's all.

"I need to find breasts that fit", Spring Semester '07, Hormones, and other such things

Okay, this might get kind of long, so bear with me and comment if you can and want.

The first part of this post pertains to that lovely quote in the post title. That is something I said yesterday. Now, some of you might be wondering "Hmmm...now why would Bettina say something like that?" Well, that's because I didn't mean to say that. What I had ACTUALLY meant to say was "I need to find a bra that fits..."
Unfortunately, that didn't quite work out... The reason why I had attempted to say that was the fact that the underwire of one of my bras had managed to give me a few bruises, which aggravates me slightly. I USED to have a DD cup size, but for the past few months (as in the past 12 months), I have been noticing that my cups are running over, which doesn't look as hot as it might sound. It sure as hell doesn't feel as hot...
So yeah, I need a bigger bra...but I haven't quite figured out which cup size yet. I think it might be an E or some other insane size.

As some as you might have noticed the spring semester has started recently, and after having been sore, confused, and completely exhausted (even with sleep therapy) for all of the school week, I am proud to say that I survived the first week just fine. I have a load of pretty interesting classes this semester: Elementary Japanese 2, Masterpieces of East Asian Literature, Intro to Language Science, and Abnormal Psychology. Some of you might be wondering, why I am not in a higher Japanese course, especially since I have been studying Japanese since I've been 15 years old (I did have several lengthier breaks during the past 6 years though, but I should probably still be further along), but I didn't do as well as I had hoped last semester, so I thought it would be wise to take two steps back. Sometimes you have to step back in order to leap forward, and that is the path I have chosen.
The second course listed should also be interesting because we are going over literature in China, Korea, and Japan. The first book we will be going over is "Monkey" by Wu Ch'eng-en, which some might recognize as the story that inspired the anime series Dragon Ball. So, that should be somewhat fun to read.
As for Intro to Language Science, I am taking that course because I used to want to major in Linguistics, but as the universe should have it, I changed to Japanese and have been sticking to it like a leech ever since. Who knows...I just might minor in Linguistics...(it depends on how masochistic I feel after this semester though)
Last, but not least, Abnormal Psychology should be unbelievably fascinating all by itself, but that's not the only reason I'm taking it. I want to set Psychology up as a second major, but they require me to take several courses at UIUC first.

Now onto to my favorite topic: Hormones
If you guessed sex...fine, you're right...don't worry hormones either end up at the topic of sex or at least pass it. In my case, hormones lead to the topic of sex, so no worries people.
I love hormones, even if mine are slightly off, but sometimes they can be a real pain. Over the years, I have noticed something interesting...there are certain times, when more men (in this case) take notice of you than you would like and women (again in this case) tend to look at you like they want to rip your throat out. Well, it's that time of the month for me again...ovulation. Older men, in this case they are creepy as well, hit on me and I can tell that they are undressing me with their eyes... Younger men look me up and down and/or look kind of confused... As for the women, well, some act just fine towards me, but the others can be unbelievably hostile towards me.
Now, if that were the only issue...I'd still be annoyed about it, I admit it. There's nothing that could take away from that feeling, unless I actually felt that I was attractive enough to warrant such behavior.
However, my sex drive is also so high that I feel like locking myself up in a box and putting myself in the basement, so I'm less of a danger to others and myself. Okay...it's probably not THAT bad, but it's pretty damn close. Right now I am in serious need of testosterone...or sex...or both. So, all I can do is take a few dozen cold showers, press up against all the walls in the house, and toss and turn and toss and turn...and hope that it doesn't get so bad that I start to have guys I would never consider smelling, let alone touching (some of you know who I am talking about), appear in my dreams and fantasies. I'm not too worried though because, so far, that has never happened.

Oh well, that's all the news from my disturbing universe.

Here's a final thing I have to share: Quiz results...yay!

Your Slanguage Profile

British Slang: 25% Canadian Slang: 25% Prison Slang: 25% Aussie Slang: 0% New England Slang: 0% Southern Slang: 0%

What Slanguage Do You Speak?

Please note how I have 25% in each of the first three categories, but 0% in the last three. It's really weird because I've never been to prison and I don't have any direct contact with people who have been/are in prison...but I was born and spent the first nine years of my life in the South and my father is a Texan. I'm happy with it though. It would have been nice to get something in the "Aussie" category, now that I think about it...

Talk to you guys later.

Fun, fun, fun quizzes

You Should Stay in Shape with Swimming

You require something that's both serene and challenging. Swimming is the perfect way for you to do your own thing and escape for a while. Swimming will give you that perfectly toned, curvy body you desire.

How Should You Get In Shape?

I should really look into going swimming...

You are a Brainy Girl!

Whether you're an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books. You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more. For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests. A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!

What Kind of Girl Are You?

That's pretty much all I have going for me...I don't know.

You are Bettie Page

Girl next door with a wild streak You're a famous beauty - with unique look And the people like you are cultish about it

What Famous Pinup Are You?

Huh, I think we've had this one before. I like Bettie Page.

You Have Many Alpha Tendencies

You're not a total alpha female, but you certainly know how to - and like to - get your way. You're forceful without being intimidating. You're confident without being vain. A perfect mix.

Are You an Alpha Female?

Okay, where do you get your information? Part of it is true. I am not a complete alpha female. Why? Because I try to stay out of the deeper realms of the feminine. I've been there, done that, bought the T-shirt...you all know how the saying goes. It wasn't fun or pretty. I'm proud to say that I've developed into quite the androgynous person.

You Should Wear Black Lipstick

Confident, dramatic, and unexpected. Your look: Gothic beauty Your signature lip gloss flavor: Ginger

What Shade of Lipstick Should You Wear?

Umm...I would never wear black lipstick. That would only look decent on me if I had a darker complexion.

You Are Most Like Adriana Lima

Intriguing and sultry

Which Victoria's Secret Angel Are You?

Yeah...right. If only I was half as hot as her...


Okay, I'm done...again. Take the quizzes, have fun with them, and let me know what you got, okay? This of course also goes for the rest of the quizzes I have taken and posted.

Take care and I'll write about more later on.

Lots of love,
Bettina

Somebody is really mad...

...and for once it's not me. I just read a comment from my mother, even though she wrote it as Anonymous. She is mad at me for stating that life doesn't hold much appeal to me anymore.
Since it is too late to call her, I guess I'll let a few things out on my blog since it's going to have to be let out somewhere...
Let me tell you something, my dear mother, if things went according to you, I would just shut up or lie about my feelings.
Guess what, I'll be damned if I start to lie about my feelings and thoughts again. You know, Mom, be glad that you only suffer from situational depression. At least you know that it will eventually pass. I'm stuck with therapy and medication. Who knows...I might get lucky and the depression will get better with the sleep therapy, Synthroid and Paxil, but for now, I am stuck in this dark hole. I am stuck in a war I didn't ask to be in and so far, I have been on my own. I tried going down the road of shutting up and guess what...I screwed myself over even more.
You want to know why you are paying for my education! Here's why: There is a part of me, hidden away in a safe and dark room in my mind, that believes that things will eventually get better. A part of me does still believe that once I've fought my way through this time in my life, I will feel better.
So, if you could get off it and try to understand what I might be going through (like I have been doing with you), then you wouldn't be getting upset at a sentence in one of my posts. It was one sentence, for crying out loud! You know, if you get mad at me, then I have to get at least twice as mad at myself for getting you mad. I'm sure you have better things to get mad at anyway...
So, now that I have gotten mad as well, I think I'm going to have to stand outside in the cold for a little bit.

I need to write

Well, I told myself that I should post something, but the question is what...
On my Myspace blog, the last three posts have been about Lindsay Lohan's stupidity. In case you have a life, which I believe that most of you should have, you will not have heard about this. I think it might have been a week ago, but Miss Lohan had to have emergency surgery on her appendix because of recurring pain in that area and her being diagnosed with appendicitis.
Now you would think that she would rest for some time after surgery, but no, she had to go off and party a mere eight hours after this surgical procedure. Eight hours! She has got to be completely meschugge!
In addition to that, she was supposedly also diagnosed with a liver infection. Now, how would she have a liver infection? That's because Tinseltown lets her babies run around wild and drink whenever and whatever they want. Unfortunately, I'm not overly surprised by this because she also smokes, even though she has asthma, and hasn't been that healthy of a person to begin with.
I just decided that writing about Lindsay Lohan might get some people talking and I just wanted to express my disappointment about her stupidity and recklessness.
I guess I just wanted to shove her out there as an example of how not to be.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I didn't want to write about Miss Lohan again...

Spring semester starts on Tuesday. Whoo!
I have to work hard this semester... No worries though, I'm looking forward to working hard.
We were supposed to have an ice storm here, but no, just loads of rain. I love rain! Unfortunately, it's a bit too cold to run out there without shoes or socks on.
I also managed to run into my favorite type of man today. The creepy type. I went grocery shopping and he just walked by the aisle with one of his friends and said "How are you doing?". Now, if this were a Joey-type of guy, it would have been funny and kind of cute, but it wasn't...so it was just creepy. Usually, I would have looked disgusted and scared and looked away, but something just came over me. I just stared him in the face and smirked. As soon as they walked away and I left the aisle, this is what went through my head: "What the HELL was THAT?!?!" I then had a small anxiety attack that he would follow me and think that I actually like him. Luckily for me...for once...I only saw him two more times after that (and he only actually saw me once out of those two times) and then I was GONE.
So yeah, interesting evening. This is why I like to do the pursuing a lot of times because if I end up with a complete jerk and creep...well, then it's my fault. At least I can tell myself that then...
I already told my Schatzi about it and he could only tell me "Good job" and I am going to have to agree with him on that one. Letting someone who could hurt you see your weak side might not be the way to go, but I don't think that smirking is the answer either.

Different topic: I am thinking of writing stories and poems and stuff like that. I would like to know if anyone would be interested in me doing that. If nobody responds to this, I will still write stories and poems and whatnot, but if I am going to post them on my blog, I would like for people to want to read them and give me feedback and so on. I know...it sounds really stupid of me to ask because it's my blog, so I should care less about the opinions of others, but I'm just not that kind of a person.

Okay, I'm done. This post probably doesn't make any sense.

Take care everyone...talk to you later.

Bettina

Shake ya moneymaker, like somebody 'bout to pay ya

So yeah, confusing title, but it's a line from Ludacris's song "Moneymaker", which I had the immense pleasure of listening to this morning. I just don't know which moneymaker Ludacris was talking about yet...
I also got to brave the cold world in shorts and a T-shirt this morning, mainly because of a semi-emergency. It actually felt pretty good...

So, what else has been going on? I have been slowly withdrawing myself from others because I don't want to be a bother. Most of my friends have their own lives and they don't need someone like me to throw myself at them. If this sounds like I'm depressed, sorry, but I don't feel overly depressed. I'm just saying. I just don't feel like pushing people I love away from me by smothering them in every way imaginable. It also seems that most people could do without my love, so now I'm just trying to figure a few things out. This is mainly an observation.

On a slightly different note, the spring semester starts on Tuesday and even though I had told one of my friends that I would visit him before the end of the break, I started thinking about it and not only am I lacking in the money department, I also don't want to overdo it and get on his nerves. He has told me that this is not the case several times already, but I also know that every person has his/her limits. It is mainly a money issue though.
Huh...that wasn't on as different of a note as I had originally intended it to be.

Some other observations: My body hurts a lot more when I sleep without my mask. I am starting to get fed up with my "special" room mate again. Life just doesn't have much appeal to me anymore. I used to think that getting married would be so significant in my life, but I'm beginning to think that I could very well do without it. On the other hand, I still want to have children.

Hmm, I guess that's it from me...for now at least.

Take care everyone,
Bettina

Quiz Smorgasbord

Your Pimp Name Is...

Brown Sugar Mystery

What's Your Pimp Name?

Yep, that is how I am to be addressed from now on: Brown Sugar Mystery...hahaha
Hey, there's nothing wrong with being a pimp...

You Are Bud Light

You're not fussy when it comes to beer. If someone hands it to you, you'll drink it. In fact, you don't understand beer snobbery at all. It all tastes the same once you're drunk! You're an enthusiastic drinker, and you can often be found at your neighborhood bar. You're pretty good at holding your liquor too - you've had lots of experience.

What's Your Beer Personality?

The thing with this is, well, I actually am not an overly fussy drinker. I am a bit fussy when it comes to beer however...so I guess I am a bit of a beer snob. About me being an enthusiastic drinker: I can be (and somewhere my mother's heart just got a bit heavier), but it depends on the situation and I do most of my drinking at home. Unfortunately, (or depending on your attitude towards this, fortunately) I am pretty good at holding my liqour. It might have to do with my Hungarian, German, and Irish blood...it could have to do with me being taller and heavier than the average person...I honestly don't know because I know people who do far more drinking than I do and still can't hold their liquor as well as I can. I do have to say this, don't aim to be good at holding your liquor, okay?

Your Birthdate: July 6

For you, love is a natural progression from friendship. You are almost always friends first. In love, you are loyal, steady, and honest. You are not a cheater or even much of a flirt. You are likely to stay friends with your ex... and open to rekindling something in the future. Number of True Loves You'll Have: 4 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 5 You are most compatible with people born on the 6th, 15th, and 24th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

My opinions on this: Love is almost always a few steps after friendship. I could never be with someone romantically who isn't also my friend. Even though I am not a cheater (this goes against my code of ethics), I do tend to be quite the little flirt. I don't know how I ended up being a flirt, but I somehow just slip into it. However, if I notice that someone is uncomfortable with it and I have realized that I have been flirting, I will do my best to tone my behavior down. I don't know what to say about the number of true loves and broken hearts. Oh well, what can you do?

You Will Die at Age 55

Not bad, considering your super wild lifestyle Want to live longer? Try losing a few bad habits.

What Age Will You Die?

Huh, 55... I won't die early because of my "superwild" lifestyle, but more because of my self-destructive lifestyle, thank you very much. Who knows...I guess I'll die when I die.

You Are 30 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Wow...that old already? That's like 9 years older than I already am. I need to hurry up. The success they're talking about happened between the ages of 5 and 8. I really don't know if I want more... But yay, 30!!

Okay, I hope everyone has fun with these surveys and let me know what you got on these.

Take care and I'll talk to you later

Response to last post's comment

Okay, I don't know how that comment was meant. It could be that you just really didn't know what to say and you felt obliged to comment either way, but you might have also been sarcastic about it...in which case, I could very well do without comments like that. Trust me, I am unbelievably sarcastic and cynical, but there is a time and place for that and that post is the wrong thing to respond sarcastically to.
2006 was just an odd year...not just for me. If it were just me, I could shrug it off and say "Ah well, it's just me. I'm probably just being a bitch about it."
However, hearing how the year went for most of the people I know, I do know that it wasn't just me. This year was just weird all around.
So yeah, my brain is slightly scrambled right now. If I sound slightly stupid in this post, I apologize.
I guess I'll sign off then.

Take care peeps and I'll talk to you later,
Bettina

My Thoughts On 2006 And Confessions

For those faint of heart...and Mom: Please cover your ears (well, close your eyes...whichever keeps you from reading this post is fine with me).

Ears covered? Eyes shut?.............Good.



So, how was my 2006? Well, let me try to summarize it...
Imagine being raped in every way possible while being tied up with rusty barbed wire. That's pretty much the way 2006 went for me.
I don't think that I've ever been as exhausted, depressed, or in as much pain as I've been during the past year.
Oddly enough...I can't say that this has been my most suicidal year, but I have had the highest number of suicidal or self-destructive thoughts...
This has more to do with the irregularity of my medicine intake though...I think.
I had actually been thinking about beating 2007 to the punch and completely withdrawing from friends, family, society, the world, and even the universe because this streak of my life tearing itself (and everything in it) up started in 2005, but it was only mildly irritating and confusing then. It just got progressively worse in 2006. So now I'm kind of worried about how far things will spiral downwards this year. However, I am doing my best to not think about it too much...otherwise, I just might be asking for things to get worse...

(Sigh)

On to my confessions...
It's nothing big, but I do want to get some things off of my chest.
As some of you may know, I have hypothyroidism, which means that my thyroid glands are too slow, and since these glands are pretty much responsible for everything in the body, my whole body isn't able to function properly.
I also suffer from a general anxiety disorder, social anxiety, and depression.
For all of these I am taking medication, but it's only two different types of pills, so it's not bad at all.
Last May, after a decade of excruciating pain (and me not wanting to talk to anyone about it) and the doctors shrugging the pain off as "normal" menstrual pain (you can kiss my behind, by the way...pain isn't something that can or should be considered normal), I finally got sent in for a transvaginal ultrasound. A transvaginal ultrasound is when the technician or doctor inserts a phallic-shaped device into the vaginal cavity to get a picture of any potential abnormalities in the lower body. This is how they discovered that I had a cyst on my right ovary, which was about an inch in diameter. Considering the size of the average ovary, that's a huge growth. I was supposed to go back for a follow-up ultrasound a month later, but with money and personal issues smacking me in the face at an increased rate, I didn't get a chance to go back until November. In November they found out that there were now two cysts sitting on my right ovary, which kind of freaked me out. I was pretty much willing to remove them myself. So, finally, in December, I went in for my third ultrasound and found out that the cysts I have are functional cysts, meaning that they only fill up during ovulation, release the egg, and then pretty much disappear after each period. It's good that they aren't harmful necessarily (painful yes, but that doesn't matter), but I'm not too happy with the fact that they are going to keep on showing up.
Last confession I can think of: I suffer from sleep apnea. Yeah, big shock, I know...
So, I just picked up all of the equipment for my sleep therapy today, which will end up making me sound vaguely like Darth Vader.
Like I said, no big confessions here, but maybe if these problems get fixed, or at least become less of a problem, then I might be able to feel a bit better...about everything.

So yeah, I think I've written enough for today. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to throw up a little and then take some ibuprofen because I am in worlds of pain right now.

Take care everyone. Talk to you later.

To all my Sexy Mamis and Hot Papis