Yes, I am still alive and you can all rejoice because, for once, this won't be a depressing post! Yaaaay!!! Anyways...the last time I wrote about online dating I mentioned the disaster of a phone call I had with a potential date. Needless to say, that was the first and only time we talked to each other, especially since I received a message from him about one or two weeks later saying that he had fallen in love. Obviously, he managed to find someone who was better versed in the ways of conversation. So, I wish the two of them lots of happiness and plenty of not awkward talks.
Today I would like to write about the things I have noticed about myself and the men on certain dating sites.
First off, am I the only one who feels that online dating is more of a full-time job? To me it just seems that if you do online dating the way these sites advise you to, you almost have to invest a good two to three hours every day, and since I'm guessing that some people (and by some, I mean me) are signed up with more than one site, that adds up. Besides, I should be using that time to do something more productive, like study.
And yes, I have accounts on several dating sites...four to be exact. However, I'm only really active on one of them. The first one (let's call it O) I actually signed up with because they had cool personality quizzes. In fact, I signed up with them so long ago that I am still listed as being in a relationship, which is obviously a lie. It wasn't back then, but it certainly is now. I keep on forgetting that I have an account on that site until it sends me a happy birthday message. Then I decided to try the second one (Z) because I thought I was really desperate (and I liked the commercials...it happens, even to me), but then I took a look at the men using it and quickly realized that I didn't want someone that badly. Maybe that was more of a regional issue though... Site number three (E) was the first German account I set up, but I don't even really use that one anymore because I can't use all of the functions without signing up for a premium membership. As for the last one (P), I again started off with limited access, but I actually purchased the premium membership for this site since it was cheaper without giving too much up quality-wise. This last website is the one that I actually use.
So, before I continue, it's important to note that the things I'm writing about are based off of my personal experiences and opinions, and they certainly aren't representative of the population at large. If you agree with me, great, and if you don't, that's fine too. We can all agree to disagree, as long as we aren't being unreasonably aggressive and immature about it. Most of us should already be aware of this, but since you never know who might stumble across this blog, I feel that such things need to be pointed out repeatedly.
Alright, on to the main show...
I have come to realize something shocking about myself when it comes to online dating, and that is that I can be quite superficial. What I mean is that I am more lenient/tolerant/accepting towards/of guys I meet in person. For example, someone doesn't strike me as overly attractive or I'm just not feeling it, but maybe this person is extremely funny or sweet. Offline, I'll gladly date someone who is incredibly funny over someone who is extremely attractive. Or at least I'll give it a shot, whereas online dating (unfortunately) allows for me to kick the poor guy to the curb without wasting a second thought on him. (Sorry.) There seems to be a whole lot of characteristics/requirements that automatically eliminate most potential partners for me. Should I list them? So we can all witness what a bitch I really am? Now, for the record, these are things that I look for in a potential partner online since it seems that I am very discriminatory if I haven't actually met the person. Sounds weird, but it's true. You can all hate me later.
1) Non-smokers - These are very, very hard to come by in Germany. It seems that the majority of men (online) smoke, be it regularly or occasionally or just whenever they're out with friends drinking. This is actually one of the things that is (almost) non-negotiable for me, regardless of online or offline. I have too many family members who smoke, and I would prefer to not become romantically/sexually-involved with someone who smells and/or tastes like smoke. I will gladly be the bestest of buddies with you, but if you smoke, there is a 99% chance of you staying in the friend zone. Of course, should I ever meet someone who fulfilled all of my other basic desires and/or needs, but smoked, I might make an exception. However, I wouldn't count on it.
2) No children and no previous marriages - This is one of my bitchier requirements (or maybe even the bitchiest one?), but hear me out. I have witnessed and heard about too much baby mama and papa drama, so unless I've met your previous life partner and have been able to judge her (or his, you never know) character for myself, I'm going with the worst-case scenario and staying away from you. As for the children, as much as I love them and would love to be a mom at some point (maybe), I know I wouldn't just be taking on the kids. I would also be taking on the parent, assuming he/she is still alive, and again that is potentially just way too much drama for my liking. This is one of the areas that I would be quite a bit more lenient on in an offline setting. Depending on the person, I wouldn't say no to a previously married father. However, I would require meeting the former spouse and having a conversation with the children (assuming the guy still plays an active part in their lives), once the time is right, to explain the situation and answer any questions. Of course I realize that at my advanced/advancing age that finding someone who hasn't been married (at least once) and who is childless becomes increasingly impossible. So, I'm not entirely delusional, and like I said, I am quite a bit more flexible about this issue when I meet someone in person.
3) No religious affiliations (or open proclamations of political views) - I usually would never think of asking someone about their beliefs (or political views), so why would an online admission about these things deter me all of a sudden? Unless I know you fairly well, I might associate certain personality traits to you if I know ahead of time which church or political party you belong to. So, it's simply a matter of avoiding more potential drama. However, in real life, I don't really care what you believe in unless you are actively harming or using your beliefs to discriminate against other living beings.
4) No major height or age discrepancies, not too far away - I know, really superficial of me. Again, things that are very negotiable...actually ultimately everything is...except for the smoking, I'm fairly flexible about these in person. However, if I can only see the raw data, I will rule out as many people as possible. This is gonna sound cold, but narrowing down the number of men I contact helps me to prioritize, and expend my time and energy more wisely. Again, sorry. Nothing against men, especially the ones online, but I don't know you, so I'm going to have to go off of the information provided.
Since I can't think of anything else to write that will make me look like a superficial beeyotch, let's move on to a few gripes I have with some men on these dating sites and my suggestions for improvement. Needless to say, you don't have to give a crap, in which case, I am curious as to why you're reading this blog to begin with.
Anyways, on to the next list:
a) Pick a decent username - Sites like E and P will actually provide you with a number, so potential suitors can't pass judgment on you just based off of your username. Hey, not everyone wants to hook up with randydude69. (I don't know if anyone actually has that name...and no, it's not mine. My apologies if you do! It's just an example. Don't sue me, I'm just a poor student.) On sites that do allow for usernames, like Z, I would advise picking something neutral. However, if you want to show that you're not looking for anything serious, then by all means, let your username do the talking for you.
b) Include a picture! - Even if it's pixelated because you haven't given me permission to see it (some of these sites, like E and P, don't allow you to see the profile picture clearly without the user giving you consent), just go through the effort of uploading at least one decent photograph. Related to this: Upload one with a clear shot of your face. Please! I think it's great that you have pictures of you having fun on the beach, but I generally don't wind up becoming attracted to someone's silhouette. Oh, and on sites like Z that are a bit more informal: Look, I get it. Sites like this aren't exactly known for creating everlasting love. However, there are still a few basic rules I think one should follow when uploading photos: No impersonations of Ben Stiller's "Blue Steel". It's cute, but best saved for your modeling portfolio and friends. Try to lay off of the topless pics. Thanks for showing the goods, I appreciate it, really, but that's not quite what I'm looking for. No group pictures. Even if you tried to crop the photo, your profile pic should not include fractions of your amigos and/or ex. Just take a friggin' selfie! (Unlike what some other sites might say, I would prefer a decent selfie over a poorly cropped group picture anyday.)
c) Fill out your profile - Come on guys, I went through the effort to fill mine out as honestly as possible, and then I stumble across profiles that haven't even been completed halfway. It's like a slap in the face. So, just do your part because I sure as hell ain't gonna bother writing you if you haven't given me anything to write to you about.
d) Winking/smiling/etc. alone won't cut it - I think it's great that you sent me that smile, but then didn't bother to write. What do you want me to do? Oh hey, that guy poked me. That must mean he likes me! (Maybe I shouldn't have gone with poked as an example...oh well.) So, unless you're smoking hot and I really like your profile, I won't react. If you can't be bothered to at least send me a "I think your profile is interesting.", then I have nothing to say to you either.
e) Try to avoid cheesy lines - If it's embedded in an otherwise sincerely written message, I don't care. However, if that's your opening line and that's all you've got to say, then I get the feeling you just copied/pasted that to a hundred other profiles. I know that people contact more than one person in the online dating world, but you don't have to insult the other person by making it so glaringly obvious that you're just playing the numbers game. You might as well go ahead and admit "Hey girl, I just want to get laid." or "I don't actually want a relationship." Thanks to site Z, I've come to strongly dislike many of my messages. That's probably because many of them are along the lines of "Are you looking for adventure?" (Umm, with you? No.) Also, I don't like being buttered up unnecessarily. I have a mirror, I know what I look like. If you were to ask anyone in my social circle to describe me, words like beautiful and sexy would not be the first words to jump to their minds. More like quiet and awkward. Maybe smart. Maybe. So, I don't need you to feed me lines about how I stunned you with my laser eyes or how I am the epitome of beauty. It reeks of lies, even if you're being genuine. If you still think you need to compliment me on my irresistible appearance, please don't open with it. Wait until we've actually met and have had a few actual conversations.
Now that I've torn into any and all potential dates, which I am sorry about, it's time for me to turn the mirror on myself. I probably shouldn't be so discriminating, even in an online setting. I'm dealing with other human beings (hopefully), so I shouldn't assume that they're all the same. I'm sure that many, if not most, of them are decent people who deserve a chance to be loved. I will readily admit, that I can be sometimes surprisingly superficial when it comes to online dating, and I should try to loosen some of my strict requirements. My goal is to write back to anyone who has gone through the effort of writing me. That is the least that I can do. I should try to upload more pictures, preferably not selfies (even though I don't know how or even if I'll accomplish that). I still have a lot to work on, so just be patient with me. And please remember, this is just based off of my observations and very limited experiences, so what bothers me, might not bother you. This doesn't mean that I hate these guys online or that I now suddenly hate some of you because you smoke or you have been married before or you happen to be 10 cm shorter than me. These are preferences I have in a potential partner, but I'm not expecting to have someone meet all of these, but at least one would be nice.
That's all from my end for now, and hopefully, I'll have more to write about some other time.
Take care everyone! Plenty of love and hugs!
