Hey everybody,
As some of you might remember (most or all of you probably won't though), I had been planning on setting up a list of the most attractive people in the world. Well, I ended up with a long list of names, but now I can't put them in any kind of order. To help me do this, so I can at least attempt to introduce various types of beauty to...well, everyone reading this blog, I would like for you to send me a list of the names of people you consider to be the most attractive.
This way, I hope that my list will become even more diverse and interesting.
Male, female, athletes, scientists, authors, actors/actresses, models, French, American, African, Russian, etc. It doesn't matter. Just send me some info or links to websites pertaining to these people and I will be able to (hopefully) bring some order to my list, expand it, and put it up on this blog.
I am not setting up a deadline for this yet because I want to see if anyone will respond to this first.
If you don't know how to get ahold of me, you can either include the list as a comment to this post (I would only suggest this if your list is really really short) or if you are part of the Myspace universe, you can always send me a message that way (check my Links section...it should be listed as "Bettina on Myspace"), or if you know my email address, you can always send it there.
Ummm...I think that's all I needed to say. I hope to hear from at least some of you soon.
Have a good night everyone,
Bettina
Monday, January 29, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Blogging For Choice
You know, I was going to wait until the weekend to type up my next post because I've just been too tired during the week, but then I saw that today is "Blogging for Choice" day...and well, what can I say...I just couldn't resist.
If you're curious how I found out about this, check Cipherpunk's Livejournal (http://cipherpunk.livejournal.com/154795.html) and Trifthen's site(http://bonesmoses.org/view.php?id=186).
(Note: The addresses are set up this way because the "insert link" command didn't work the way it was supposed to, and I need to go to bed, so I'm not going to look into it any further tonight.)
Pro-choice and pro-life...I really don't like either of those terms. So, what could I possibly write about reproductive "issues"? I'm afraid that my parents won't be overly happy about at least a few things I will be writing about in this post, but I can't please everyone. Especially not when I'm writing about such a controversial topic.
First of all, if I have to label myself, I am pro-choice. Why? Well, there are a few reasons, but I guess the main one is that abortion can be traced back all the way to Ancient Egypt (if not even further back than that) and that there will always be women who will go through with abortion... Shut up, I'm not quite done yet. Now, if a woman really wants to go through with an abortion she will do so...in whatever way possible. This can result in more death and infection than necessary. So, I would rather have abortion legalized and regulated, and have the women be healthy and safe. Or at the very least, healthier and safer.
I have already been labeled as a "cold-hearted bitch" by my younger siblings because I am pro-choice, but this is one of the few times when I couldn't care less about what people think about me.
I know that my boyfriend and my dad are both against abortion, but they also belong to the group of people who think that guys should stay out of it because it's the woman who carries the child...and not the man (unless we're actually seahorses and I haven't received the memo for that yet).
My dad is also the kind of guy, who would marry the girl he happens to impregnate. How do I know this? History, people...history. It's happened before. Before my dad met my mom, he impregnated a young woman and, feeling it was the proper or honorable thing to do, he proposed to her and they got married. She gave birth to my older half-sister in 1979 (if I am not mistaken) and everything seemed to be okay. Unfortunately, nothing is ever as it seems...it's not like we live in some pussy version of a Grimm fairy tale...and she ran away, with child and her boyfriend. So, where did she run off to? California, of course, so she could squeeze as much money as possible out of my dad. My dad, in the sometimes sickening goodness of his heart, offered to adopt and take care of this girl...his child, but I guess that the money was far more appealing. Therefore, I know I have an older half-sister and I've seen at least one picture of her, but I've never met her.
Okay, I'm getting kind of off topic here, sorry.
Back to reproductive rights...
Of course, I am not for people running around having unprotected sex with whomever they please, women getting pregnant as a result of this, and then having multiple abortions within any given year. That's beyond stupid and reckless. That's why I think that you should also go to counseling or therapy to determine if an abortion is the right path to take...unless there are life-threatening circumstances involved.
Another issue in the reproductive rights universe is that some men don't want to provide for their future children. Well, being a female (physically at least...it's pretty evenly divided neurologically I think), I would tell that man to go ahead and leave. I don't need someone like that around me and my child. Seriously, I would rather be alone and working my butt off than have someone tell me what to do with my body or have a bitter man let out his anger at an innocent being. In this case, I would demote the "father" to "tool", and proudly claim that I conceived the child all by myself. If you don't believe that I would do such a thing, you obviously don't know me.
The same thing applies if I happen to get pregnant and I want an abortion. If my partner wants to force me to have a child I'm not ready for...out. I know that I'm making this sound far easier than it would be, but some things just have to be done.
As for whose choice this would actually be...first and foremost it should the woman's, but if you're in a relationship, you should have an in-depth conversation with your partner about this.
Last thoughts: Religion and government don't mix. Last time I checked we aren't in a theocracy. If we are, I would like to move...to Saturn...or Pluto. Stop bombing abortion clinics and killing those doctors because that is just plain cowardice. Stop acting like little brats about this and similarly controversial issues. And...stop the whole "abstinence only" BS because that certainly isn't helping to decrease abortion rates, or teenage sex and/or pregnancy for that matter.
That's all.
If you're curious how I found out about this, check Cipherpunk's Livejournal (http://cipherpunk.livejournal.com/154795.html) and Trifthen's site(http://bonesmoses.org/view.php?id=186).
(Note: The addresses are set up this way because the "insert link" command didn't work the way it was supposed to, and I need to go to bed, so I'm not going to look into it any further tonight.)
Pro-choice and pro-life...I really don't like either of those terms. So, what could I possibly write about reproductive "issues"? I'm afraid that my parents won't be overly happy about at least a few things I will be writing about in this post, but I can't please everyone. Especially not when I'm writing about such a controversial topic.
First of all, if I have to label myself, I am pro-choice. Why? Well, there are a few reasons, but I guess the main one is that abortion can be traced back all the way to Ancient Egypt (if not even further back than that) and that there will always be women who will go through with abortion... Shut up, I'm not quite done yet. Now, if a woman really wants to go through with an abortion she will do so...in whatever way possible. This can result in more death and infection than necessary. So, I would rather have abortion legalized and regulated, and have the women be healthy and safe. Or at the very least, healthier and safer.
I have already been labeled as a "cold-hearted bitch" by my younger siblings because I am pro-choice, but this is one of the few times when I couldn't care less about what people think about me.
I know that my boyfriend and my dad are both against abortion, but they also belong to the group of people who think that guys should stay out of it because it's the woman who carries the child...and not the man (unless we're actually seahorses and I haven't received the memo for that yet).
My dad is also the kind of guy, who would marry the girl he happens to impregnate. How do I know this? History, people...history. It's happened before. Before my dad met my mom, he impregnated a young woman and, feeling it was the proper or honorable thing to do, he proposed to her and they got married. She gave birth to my older half-sister in 1979 (if I am not mistaken) and everything seemed to be okay. Unfortunately, nothing is ever as it seems...it's not like we live in some pussy version of a Grimm fairy tale...and she ran away, with child and her boyfriend. So, where did she run off to? California, of course, so she could squeeze as much money as possible out of my dad. My dad, in the sometimes sickening goodness of his heart, offered to adopt and take care of this girl...his child, but I guess that the money was far more appealing. Therefore, I know I have an older half-sister and I've seen at least one picture of her, but I've never met her.
Okay, I'm getting kind of off topic here, sorry.
Back to reproductive rights...
Of course, I am not for people running around having unprotected sex with whomever they please, women getting pregnant as a result of this, and then having multiple abortions within any given year. That's beyond stupid and reckless. That's why I think that you should also go to counseling or therapy to determine if an abortion is the right path to take...unless there are life-threatening circumstances involved.
Another issue in the reproductive rights universe is that some men don't want to provide for their future children. Well, being a female (physically at least...it's pretty evenly divided neurologically I think), I would tell that man to go ahead and leave. I don't need someone like that around me and my child. Seriously, I would rather be alone and working my butt off than have someone tell me what to do with my body or have a bitter man let out his anger at an innocent being. In this case, I would demote the "father" to "tool", and proudly claim that I conceived the child all by myself. If you don't believe that I would do such a thing, you obviously don't know me.
The same thing applies if I happen to get pregnant and I want an abortion. If my partner wants to force me to have a child I'm not ready for...out. I know that I'm making this sound far easier than it would be, but some things just have to be done.
As for whose choice this would actually be...first and foremost it should the woman's, but if you're in a relationship, you should have an in-depth conversation with your partner about this.
Last thoughts: Religion and government don't mix. Last time I checked we aren't in a theocracy. If we are, I would like to move...to Saturn...or Pluto. Stop bombing abortion clinics and killing those doctors because that is just plain cowardice. Stop acting like little brats about this and similarly controversial issues. And...stop the whole "abstinence only" BS because that certainly isn't helping to decrease abortion rates, or teenage sex and/or pregnancy for that matter.
That's all.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
"I need to find breasts that fit", Spring Semester '07, Hormones, and other such things
Okay, this might get kind of long, so bear with me and comment if you can and want.
The first part of this post pertains to that lovely quote in the post title. That is something I said yesterday. Now, some of you might be wondering "Hmmm...now why would Bettina say something like that?" Well, that's because I didn't mean to say that. What I had ACTUALLY meant to say was "I need to find a bra that fits..."
Unfortunately, that didn't quite work out... The reason why I had attempted to say that was the fact that the underwire of one of my bras had managed to give me a few bruises, which aggravates me slightly. I USED to have a DD cup size, but for the past few months (as in the past 12 months), I have been noticing that my cups are running over, which doesn't look as hot as it might sound. It sure as hell doesn't feel as hot...
So yeah, I need a bigger bra...but I haven't quite figured out which cup size yet. I think it might be an E or some other insane size.
As some as you might have noticed the spring semester has started recently, and after having been sore, confused, and completely exhausted (even with sleep therapy) for all of the school week, I am proud to say that I survived the first week just fine. I have a load of pretty interesting classes this semester: Elementary Japanese 2, Masterpieces of East Asian Literature, Intro to Language Science, and Abnormal Psychology. Some of you might be wondering, why I am not in a higher Japanese course, especially since I have been studying Japanese since I've been 15 years old (I did have several lengthier breaks during the past 6 years though, but I should probably still be further along), but I didn't do as well as I had hoped last semester, so I thought it would be wise to take two steps back. Sometimes you have to step back in order to leap forward, and that is the path I have chosen.
The second course listed should also be interesting because we are going over literature in China, Korea, and Japan. The first book we will be going over is "Monkey" by Wu Ch'eng-en, which some might recognize as the story that inspired the anime series Dragon Ball. So, that should be somewhat fun to read.
As for Intro to Language Science, I am taking that course because I used to want to major in Linguistics, but as the universe should have it, I changed to Japanese and have been sticking to it like a leech ever since. Who knows...I just might minor in Linguistics...(it depends on how masochistic I feel after this semester though)
Last, but not least, Abnormal Psychology should be unbelievably fascinating all by itself, but that's not the only reason I'm taking it. I want to set Psychology up as a second major, but they require me to take several courses at UIUC first.
Now onto to my favorite topic: Hormones
If you guessed sex...fine, you're right...don't worry hormones either end up at the topic of sex or at least pass it. In my case, hormones lead to the topic of sex, so no worries people.
I love hormones, even if mine are slightly off, but sometimes they can be a real pain. Over the years, I have noticed something interesting...there are certain times, when more men (in this case) take notice of you than you would like and women (again in this case) tend to look at you like they want to rip your throat out. Well, it's that time of the month for me again...ovulation. Older men, in this case they are creepy as well, hit on me and I can tell that they are undressing me with their eyes... Younger men look me up and down and/or look kind of confused... As for the women, well, some act just fine towards me, but the others can be unbelievably hostile towards me.
Now, if that were the only issue...I'd still be annoyed about it, I admit it. There's nothing that could take away from that feeling, unless I actually felt that I was attractive enough to warrant such behavior.
However, my sex drive is also so high that I feel like locking myself up in a box and putting myself in the basement, so I'm less of a danger to others and myself. Okay...it's probably not THAT bad, but it's pretty damn close. Right now I am in serious need of testosterone...or sex...or both. So, all I can do is take a few dozen cold showers, press up against all the walls in the house, and toss and turn and toss and turn...and hope that it doesn't get so bad that I start to have guys I would never consider smelling, let alone touching (some of you know who I am talking about), appear in my dreams and fantasies. I'm not too worried though because, so far, that has never happened.
Oh well, that's all the news from my disturbing universe.
Here's a final thing I have to share: Quiz results...yay!
Please note how I have 25% in each of the first three categories, but 0% in the last three. It's really weird because I've never been to prison and I don't have any direct contact with people who have been/are in prison...but I was born and spent the first nine years of my life in the South and my father is a Texan. I'm happy with it though. It would have been nice to get something in the "Aussie" category, now that I think about it...
Talk to you guys later.
The first part of this post pertains to that lovely quote in the post title. That is something I said yesterday. Now, some of you might be wondering "Hmmm...now why would Bettina say something like that?" Well, that's because I didn't mean to say that. What I had ACTUALLY meant to say was "I need to find a bra that fits..."
Unfortunately, that didn't quite work out... The reason why I had attempted to say that was the fact that the underwire of one of my bras had managed to give me a few bruises, which aggravates me slightly. I USED to have a DD cup size, but for the past few months (as in the past 12 months), I have been noticing that my cups are running over, which doesn't look as hot as it might sound. It sure as hell doesn't feel as hot...
So yeah, I need a bigger bra...but I haven't quite figured out which cup size yet. I think it might be an E or some other insane size.
As some as you might have noticed the spring semester has started recently, and after having been sore, confused, and completely exhausted (even with sleep therapy) for all of the school week, I am proud to say that I survived the first week just fine. I have a load of pretty interesting classes this semester: Elementary Japanese 2, Masterpieces of East Asian Literature, Intro to Language Science, and Abnormal Psychology. Some of you might be wondering, why I am not in a higher Japanese course, especially since I have been studying Japanese since I've been 15 years old (I did have several lengthier breaks during the past 6 years though, but I should probably still be further along), but I didn't do as well as I had hoped last semester, so I thought it would be wise to take two steps back. Sometimes you have to step back in order to leap forward, and that is the path I have chosen.
The second course listed should also be interesting because we are going over literature in China, Korea, and Japan. The first book we will be going over is "Monkey" by Wu Ch'eng-en, which some might recognize as the story that inspired the anime series Dragon Ball. So, that should be somewhat fun to read.
As for Intro to Language Science, I am taking that course because I used to want to major in Linguistics, but as the universe should have it, I changed to Japanese and have been sticking to it like a leech ever since. Who knows...I just might minor in Linguistics...(it depends on how masochistic I feel after this semester though)
Last, but not least, Abnormal Psychology should be unbelievably fascinating all by itself, but that's not the only reason I'm taking it. I want to set Psychology up as a second major, but they require me to take several courses at UIUC first.
Now onto to my favorite topic: Hormones
If you guessed sex...fine, you're right...don't worry hormones either end up at the topic of sex or at least pass it. In my case, hormones lead to the topic of sex, so no worries people.
I love hormones, even if mine are slightly off, but sometimes they can be a real pain. Over the years, I have noticed something interesting...there are certain times, when more men (in this case) take notice of you than you would like and women (again in this case) tend to look at you like they want to rip your throat out. Well, it's that time of the month for me again...ovulation. Older men, in this case they are creepy as well, hit on me and I can tell that they are undressing me with their eyes... Younger men look me up and down and/or look kind of confused... As for the women, well, some act just fine towards me, but the others can be unbelievably hostile towards me.
Now, if that were the only issue...I'd still be annoyed about it, I admit it. There's nothing that could take away from that feeling, unless I actually felt that I was attractive enough to warrant such behavior.
However, my sex drive is also so high that I feel like locking myself up in a box and putting myself in the basement, so I'm less of a danger to others and myself. Okay...it's probably not THAT bad, but it's pretty damn close. Right now I am in serious need of testosterone...or sex...or both. So, all I can do is take a few dozen cold showers, press up against all the walls in the house, and toss and turn and toss and turn...and hope that it doesn't get so bad that I start to have guys I would never consider smelling, let alone touching (some of you know who I am talking about), appear in my dreams and fantasies. I'm not too worried though because, so far, that has never happened.
Oh well, that's all the news from my disturbing universe.
Here's a final thing I have to share: Quiz results...yay!
Your Slanguage Profile |
 British Slang: 25% Canadian Slang: 25% Prison Slang: 25% Aussie Slang: 0% New England Slang: 0% Southern Slang: 0% |
Please note how I have 25% in each of the first three categories, but 0% in the last three. It's really weird because I've never been to prison and I don't have any direct contact with people who have been/are in prison...but I was born and spent the first nine years of my life in the South and my father is a Texan. I'm happy with it though. It would have been nice to get something in the "Aussie" category, now that I think about it...
Talk to you guys later.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Fun, fun, fun quizzes
You Should Stay in Shape with Swimming |
 You require something that's both serene and challenging. Swimming is the perfect way for you to do your own thing and escape for a while. Swimming will give you that perfectly toned, curvy body you desire. |
I should really look into going swimming...
You are a Brainy Girl! |
 Whether you're an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books. You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more. For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests. A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either! |
That's pretty much all I have going for me...I don't know.
You are Bettie Page |
 Girl next door with a wild streak You're a famous beauty - with unique look And the people like you are cultish about it |
Huh, I think we've had this one before. I like Bettie Page.
You Have Many Alpha Tendencies |
 You're not a total alpha female, but you certainly know how to - and like to - get your way. You're forceful without being intimidating. You're confident without being vain. A perfect mix. |
Okay, where do you get your information? Part of it is true. I am not a complete alpha female. Why? Because I try to stay out of the deeper realms of the feminine. I've been there, done that, bought the T-shirt...you all know how the saying goes. It wasn't fun or pretty. I'm proud to say that I've developed into quite the androgynous person.
You Should Wear Black Lipstick |
 Confident, dramatic, and unexpected. Your look: Gothic beauty Your signature lip gloss flavor: Ginger |
Umm...I would never wear black lipstick. That would only look decent on me if I had a darker complexion.
You Are Most Like Adriana Lima |
 Intriguing and sultry |
Yeah...right. If only I was half as hot as her...
Okay, I'm done...again. Take the quizzes, have fun with them, and let me know what you got, okay? This of course also goes for the rest of the quizzes I have taken and posted.
Take care and I'll write about more later on.
Lots of love,
Bettina
Monday, January 15, 2007
Somebody is really mad...
...and for once it's not me. I just read a comment from my mother, even though she wrote it as Anonymous. She is mad at me for stating that life doesn't hold much appeal to me anymore.
Since it is too late to call her, I guess I'll let a few things out on my blog since it's going to have to be let out somewhere...
Let me tell you something, my dear mother, if things went according to you, I would just shut up or lie about my feelings.
Guess what, I'll be damned if I start to lie about my feelings and thoughts again. You know, Mom, be glad that you only suffer from situational depression. At least you know that it will eventually pass. I'm stuck with therapy and medication. Who knows...I might get lucky and the depression will get better with the sleep therapy, Synthroid and Paxil, but for now, I am stuck in this dark hole. I am stuck in a war I didn't ask to be in and so far, I have been on my own. I tried going down the road of shutting up and guess what...I screwed myself over even more.
You want to know why you are paying for my education! Here's why: There is a part of me, hidden away in a safe and dark room in my mind, that believes that things will eventually get better. A part of me does still believe that once I've fought my way through this time in my life, I will feel better.
So, if you could get off it and try to understand what I might be going through (like I have been doing with you), then you wouldn't be getting upset at a sentence in one of my posts. It was one sentence, for crying out loud! You know, if you get mad at me, then I have to get at least twice as mad at myself for getting you mad. I'm sure you have better things to get mad at anyway...
So, now that I have gotten mad as well, I think I'm going to have to stand outside in the cold for a little bit.
Since it is too late to call her, I guess I'll let a few things out on my blog since it's going to have to be let out somewhere...
Let me tell you something, my dear mother, if things went according to you, I would just shut up or lie about my feelings.
Guess what, I'll be damned if I start to lie about my feelings and thoughts again. You know, Mom, be glad that you only suffer from situational depression. At least you know that it will eventually pass. I'm stuck with therapy and medication. Who knows...I might get lucky and the depression will get better with the sleep therapy, Synthroid and Paxil, but for now, I am stuck in this dark hole. I am stuck in a war I didn't ask to be in and so far, I have been on my own. I tried going down the road of shutting up and guess what...I screwed myself over even more.
You want to know why you are paying for my education! Here's why: There is a part of me, hidden away in a safe and dark room in my mind, that believes that things will eventually get better. A part of me does still believe that once I've fought my way through this time in my life, I will feel better.
So, if you could get off it and try to understand what I might be going through (like I have been doing with you), then you wouldn't be getting upset at a sentence in one of my posts. It was one sentence, for crying out loud! You know, if you get mad at me, then I have to get at least twice as mad at myself for getting you mad. I'm sure you have better things to get mad at anyway...
So, now that I have gotten mad as well, I think I'm going to have to stand outside in the cold for a little bit.
I need to write
Well, I told myself that I should post something, but the question is what...
On my Myspace blog, the last three posts have been about Lindsay Lohan's stupidity. In case you have a life, which I believe that most of you should have, you will not have heard about this. I think it might have been a week ago, but Miss Lohan had to have emergency surgery on her appendix because of recurring pain in that area and her being diagnosed with appendicitis.
Now you would think that she would rest for some time after surgery, but no, she had to go off and party a mere eight hours after this surgical procedure. Eight hours! She has got to be completely meschugge!
In addition to that, she was supposedly also diagnosed with a liver infection. Now, how would she have a liver infection? That's because Tinseltown lets her babies run around wild and drink whenever and whatever they want. Unfortunately, I'm not overly surprised by this because she also smokes, even though she has asthma, and hasn't been that healthy of a person to begin with.
I just decided that writing about Lindsay Lohan might get some people talking and I just wanted to express my disappointment about her stupidity and recklessness.
I guess I just wanted to shove her out there as an example of how not to be.
Anyway, I'm pretty sure I didn't want to write about Miss Lohan again...
Spring semester starts on Tuesday. Whoo!
I have to work hard this semester... No worries though, I'm looking forward to working hard.
We were supposed to have an ice storm here, but no, just loads of rain. I love rain! Unfortunately, it's a bit too cold to run out there without shoes or socks on.
I also managed to run into my favorite type of man today. The creepy type. I went grocery shopping and he just walked by the aisle with one of his friends and said "How are you doing?". Now, if this were a Joey-type of guy, it would have been funny and kind of cute, but it wasn't...so it was just creepy. Usually, I would have looked disgusted and scared and looked away, but something just came over me. I just stared him in the face and smirked. As soon as they walked away and I left the aisle, this is what went through my head: "What the HELL was THAT?!?!" I then had a small anxiety attack that he would follow me and think that I actually like him. Luckily for me...for once...I only saw him two more times after that (and he only actually saw me once out of those two times) and then I was GONE.
So yeah, interesting evening. This is why I like to do the pursuing a lot of times because if I end up with a complete jerk and creep...well, then it's my fault. At least I can tell myself that then...
I already told my Schatzi about it and he could only tell me "Good job" and I am going to have to agree with him on that one. Letting someone who could hurt you see your weak side might not be the way to go, but I don't think that smirking is the answer either.
Different topic: I am thinking of writing stories and poems and stuff like that. I would like to know if anyone would be interested in me doing that. If nobody responds to this, I will still write stories and poems and whatnot, but if I am going to post them on my blog, I would like for people to want to read them and give me feedback and so on. I know...it sounds really stupid of me to ask because it's my blog, so I should care less about the opinions of others, but I'm just not that kind of a person.
Okay, I'm done. This post probably doesn't make any sense.
Take care everyone...talk to you later.
Bettina
On my Myspace blog, the last three posts have been about Lindsay Lohan's stupidity. In case you have a life, which I believe that most of you should have, you will not have heard about this. I think it might have been a week ago, but Miss Lohan had to have emergency surgery on her appendix because of recurring pain in that area and her being diagnosed with appendicitis.
Now you would think that she would rest for some time after surgery, but no, she had to go off and party a mere eight hours after this surgical procedure. Eight hours! She has got to be completely meschugge!
In addition to that, she was supposedly also diagnosed with a liver infection. Now, how would she have a liver infection? That's because Tinseltown lets her babies run around wild and drink whenever and whatever they want. Unfortunately, I'm not overly surprised by this because she also smokes, even though she has asthma, and hasn't been that healthy of a person to begin with.
I just decided that writing about Lindsay Lohan might get some people talking and I just wanted to express my disappointment about her stupidity and recklessness.
I guess I just wanted to shove her out there as an example of how not to be.
Anyway, I'm pretty sure I didn't want to write about Miss Lohan again...
Spring semester starts on Tuesday. Whoo!
I have to work hard this semester... No worries though, I'm looking forward to working hard.
We were supposed to have an ice storm here, but no, just loads of rain. I love rain! Unfortunately, it's a bit too cold to run out there without shoes or socks on.
I also managed to run into my favorite type of man today. The creepy type. I went grocery shopping and he just walked by the aisle with one of his friends and said "How are you doing?". Now, if this were a Joey-type of guy, it would have been funny and kind of cute, but it wasn't...so it was just creepy. Usually, I would have looked disgusted and scared and looked away, but something just came over me. I just stared him in the face and smirked. As soon as they walked away and I left the aisle, this is what went through my head: "What the HELL was THAT?!?!" I then had a small anxiety attack that he would follow me and think that I actually like him. Luckily for me...for once...I only saw him two more times after that (and he only actually saw me once out of those two times) and then I was GONE.
So yeah, interesting evening. This is why I like to do the pursuing a lot of times because if I end up with a complete jerk and creep...well, then it's my fault. At least I can tell myself that then...
I already told my Schatzi about it and he could only tell me "Good job" and I am going to have to agree with him on that one. Letting someone who could hurt you see your weak side might not be the way to go, but I don't think that smirking is the answer either.
Different topic: I am thinking of writing stories and poems and stuff like that. I would like to know if anyone would be interested in me doing that. If nobody responds to this, I will still write stories and poems and whatnot, but if I am going to post them on my blog, I would like for people to want to read them and give me feedback and so on. I know...it sounds really stupid of me to ask because it's my blog, so I should care less about the opinions of others, but I'm just not that kind of a person.
Okay, I'm done. This post probably doesn't make any sense.
Take care everyone...talk to you later.
Bettina
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Shake ya moneymaker, like somebody 'bout to pay ya
So yeah, confusing title, but it's a line from Ludacris's song "Moneymaker", which I had the immense pleasure of listening to this morning. I just don't know which moneymaker Ludacris was talking about yet...
I also got to brave the cold world in shorts and a T-shirt this morning, mainly because of a semi-emergency. It actually felt pretty good...
So, what else has been going on? I have been slowly withdrawing myself from others because I don't want to be a bother. Most of my friends have their own lives and they don't need someone like me to throw myself at them. If this sounds like I'm depressed, sorry, but I don't feel overly depressed. I'm just saying. I just don't feel like pushing people I love away from me by smothering them in every way imaginable. It also seems that most people could do without my love, so now I'm just trying to figure a few things out. This is mainly an observation.
On a slightly different note, the spring semester starts on Tuesday and even though I had told one of my friends that I would visit him before the end of the break, I started thinking about it and not only am I lacking in the money department, I also don't want to overdo it and get on his nerves. He has told me that this is not the case several times already, but I also know that every person has his/her limits. It is mainly a money issue though.
Huh...that wasn't on as different of a note as I had originally intended it to be.
Some other observations: My body hurts a lot more when I sleep without my mask. I am starting to get fed up with my "special" room mate again. Life just doesn't have much appeal to me anymore. I used to think that getting married would be so significant in my life, but I'm beginning to think that I could very well do without it. On the other hand, I still want to have children.
Hmm, I guess that's it from me...for now at least.
Take care everyone,
Bettina
I also got to brave the cold world in shorts and a T-shirt this morning, mainly because of a semi-emergency. It actually felt pretty good...
So, what else has been going on? I have been slowly withdrawing myself from others because I don't want to be a bother. Most of my friends have their own lives and they don't need someone like me to throw myself at them. If this sounds like I'm depressed, sorry, but I don't feel overly depressed. I'm just saying. I just don't feel like pushing people I love away from me by smothering them in every way imaginable. It also seems that most people could do without my love, so now I'm just trying to figure a few things out. This is mainly an observation.
On a slightly different note, the spring semester starts on Tuesday and even though I had told one of my friends that I would visit him before the end of the break, I started thinking about it and not only am I lacking in the money department, I also don't want to overdo it and get on his nerves. He has told me that this is not the case several times already, but I also know that every person has his/her limits. It is mainly a money issue though.
Huh...that wasn't on as different of a note as I had originally intended it to be.
Some other observations: My body hurts a lot more when I sleep without my mask. I am starting to get fed up with my "special" room mate again. Life just doesn't have much appeal to me anymore. I used to think that getting married would be so significant in my life, but I'm beginning to think that I could very well do without it. On the other hand, I still want to have children.
Hmm, I guess that's it from me...for now at least.
Take care everyone,
Bettina
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Quiz Smorgasbord
Your Pimp Name Is... |
 |
Yep, that is how I am to be addressed from now on: Brown Sugar Mystery...hahaha
Hey, there's nothing wrong with being a pimp...
You Are Bud Light |
 You're not fussy when it comes to beer. If someone hands it to you, you'll drink it. In fact, you don't understand beer snobbery at all. It all tastes the same once you're drunk! You're an enthusiastic drinker, and you can often be found at your neighborhood bar. You're pretty good at holding your liquor too - you've had lots of experience. |
The thing with this is, well, I actually am not an overly fussy drinker. I am a bit fussy when it comes to beer however...so I guess I am a bit of a beer snob. About me being an enthusiastic drinker: I can be (and somewhere my mother's heart just got a bit heavier), but it depends on the situation and I do most of my drinking at home. Unfortunately, (or depending on your attitude towards this, fortunately) I am pretty good at holding my liqour. It might have to do with my Hungarian, German, and Irish blood...it could have to do with me being taller and heavier than the average person...I honestly don't know because I know people who do far more drinking than I do and still can't hold their liquor as well as I can. I do have to say this, don't aim to be good at holding your liquor, okay?
Your Birthdate: July 6 |
 For you, love is a natural progression from friendship. You are almost always friends first. In love, you are loyal, steady, and honest. You are not a cheater or even much of a flirt. You are likely to stay friends with your ex... and open to rekindling something in the future. Number of True Loves You'll Have: 4 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 5 You are most compatible with people born on the 6th, 15th, and 24th of the month. |
My opinions on this: Love is almost always a few steps after friendship. I could never be with someone romantically who isn't also my friend. Even though I am not a cheater (this goes against my code of ethics), I do tend to be quite the little flirt. I don't know how I ended up being a flirt, but I somehow just slip into it. However, if I notice that someone is uncomfortable with it and I have realized that I have been flirting, I will do my best to tone my behavior down. I don't know what to say about the number of true loves and broken hearts. Oh well, what can you do?
You Will Die at Age 55 |
 Not bad, considering your super wild lifestyle Want to live longer? Try losing a few bad habits. |
Huh, 55... I won't die early because of my "superwild" lifestyle, but more because of my self-destructive lifestyle, thank you very much. Who knows...I guess I'll die when I die.
You Are 30 Years Old |
 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
Wow...that old already? That's like 9 years older than I already am. I need to hurry up. The success they're talking about happened between the ages of 5 and 8. I really don't know if I want more... But yay, 30!!
Okay, I hope everyone has fun with these surveys and let me know what you got on these.
Take care and I'll talk to you later
Monday, January 08, 2007
Response to last post's comment
Okay, I don't know how that comment was meant. It could be that you just really didn't know what to say and you felt obliged to comment either way, but you might have also been sarcastic about it...in which case, I could very well do without comments like that. Trust me, I am unbelievably sarcastic and cynical, but there is a time and place for that and that post is the wrong thing to respond sarcastically to.
2006 was just an odd year...not just for me. If it were just me, I could shrug it off and say "Ah well, it's just me. I'm probably just being a bitch about it."
However, hearing how the year went for most of the people I know, I do know that it wasn't just me. This year was just weird all around.
So yeah, my brain is slightly scrambled right now. If I sound slightly stupid in this post, I apologize.
I guess I'll sign off then.
Take care peeps and I'll talk to you later,
Bettina
2006 was just an odd year...not just for me. If it were just me, I could shrug it off and say "Ah well, it's just me. I'm probably just being a bitch about it."
However, hearing how the year went for most of the people I know, I do know that it wasn't just me. This year was just weird all around.
So yeah, my brain is slightly scrambled right now. If I sound slightly stupid in this post, I apologize.
I guess I'll sign off then.
Take care peeps and I'll talk to you later,
Bettina
Thursday, January 04, 2007
My Thoughts On 2006 And Confessions
For those faint of heart...and Mom: Please cover your ears (well, close your eyes...whichever keeps you from reading this post is fine with me).
Ears covered? Eyes shut?.............Good.
So, how was my 2006? Well, let me try to summarize it...
Imagine being raped in every way possible while being tied up with rusty barbed wire. That's pretty much the way 2006 went for me.
I don't think that I've ever been as exhausted, depressed, or in as much pain as I've been during the past year.
Oddly enough...I can't say that this has been my most suicidal year, but I have had the highest number of suicidal or self-destructive thoughts...
This has more to do with the irregularity of my medicine intake though...I think.
I had actually been thinking about beating 2007 to the punch and completely withdrawing from friends, family, society, the world, and even the universe because this streak of my life tearing itself (and everything in it) up started in 2005, but it was only mildly irritating and confusing then. It just got progressively worse in 2006. So now I'm kind of worried about how far things will spiral downwards this year. However, I am doing my best to not think about it too much...otherwise, I just might be asking for things to get worse...
(Sigh)
On to my confessions...
It's nothing big, but I do want to get some things off of my chest.
As some of you may know, I have hypothyroidism, which means that my thyroid glands are too slow, and since these glands are pretty much responsible for everything in the body, my whole body isn't able to function properly.
I also suffer from a general anxiety disorder, social anxiety, and depression.
For all of these I am taking medication, but it's only two different types of pills, so it's not bad at all.
Last May, after a decade of excruciating pain (and me not wanting to talk to anyone about it) and the doctors shrugging the pain off as "normal" menstrual pain (you can kiss my behind, by the way...pain isn't something that can or should be considered normal), I finally got sent in for a transvaginal ultrasound. A transvaginal ultrasound is when the technician or doctor inserts a phallic-shaped device into the vaginal cavity to get a picture of any potential abnormalities in the lower body. This is how they discovered that I had a cyst on my right ovary, which was about an inch in diameter. Considering the size of the average ovary, that's a huge growth. I was supposed to go back for a follow-up ultrasound a month later, but with money and personal issues smacking me in the face at an increased rate, I didn't get a chance to go back until November. In November they found out that there were now two cysts sitting on my right ovary, which kind of freaked me out. I was pretty much willing to remove them myself. So, finally, in December, I went in for my third ultrasound and found out that the cysts I have are functional cysts, meaning that they only fill up during ovulation, release the egg, and then pretty much disappear after each period. It's good that they aren't harmful necessarily (painful yes, but that doesn't matter), but I'm not too happy with the fact that they are going to keep on showing up.
Last confession I can think of: I suffer from sleep apnea. Yeah, big shock, I know...
So, I just picked up all of the equipment for my sleep therapy today, which will end up making me sound vaguely like Darth Vader.
Like I said, no big confessions here, but maybe if these problems get fixed, or at least become less of a problem, then I might be able to feel a bit better...about everything.
So yeah, I think I've written enough for today. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to throw up a little and then take some ibuprofen because I am in worlds of pain right now.
Take care everyone. Talk to you later.
Ears covered? Eyes shut?.............Good.
So, how was my 2006? Well, let me try to summarize it...
Imagine being raped in every way possible while being tied up with rusty barbed wire. That's pretty much the way 2006 went for me.
I don't think that I've ever been as exhausted, depressed, or in as much pain as I've been during the past year.
Oddly enough...I can't say that this has been my most suicidal year, but I have had the highest number of suicidal or self-destructive thoughts...
This has more to do with the irregularity of my medicine intake though...I think.
I had actually been thinking about beating 2007 to the punch and completely withdrawing from friends, family, society, the world, and even the universe because this streak of my life tearing itself (and everything in it) up started in 2005, but it was only mildly irritating and confusing then. It just got progressively worse in 2006. So now I'm kind of worried about how far things will spiral downwards this year. However, I am doing my best to not think about it too much...otherwise, I just might be asking for things to get worse...
(Sigh)
On to my confessions...
It's nothing big, but I do want to get some things off of my chest.
As some of you may know, I have hypothyroidism, which means that my thyroid glands are too slow, and since these glands are pretty much responsible for everything in the body, my whole body isn't able to function properly.
I also suffer from a general anxiety disorder, social anxiety, and depression.
For all of these I am taking medication, but it's only two different types of pills, so it's not bad at all.
Last May, after a decade of excruciating pain (and me not wanting to talk to anyone about it) and the doctors shrugging the pain off as "normal" menstrual pain (you can kiss my behind, by the way...pain isn't something that can or should be considered normal), I finally got sent in for a transvaginal ultrasound. A transvaginal ultrasound is when the technician or doctor inserts a phallic-shaped device into the vaginal cavity to get a picture of any potential abnormalities in the lower body. This is how they discovered that I had a cyst on my right ovary, which was about an inch in diameter. Considering the size of the average ovary, that's a huge growth. I was supposed to go back for a follow-up ultrasound a month later, but with money and personal issues smacking me in the face at an increased rate, I didn't get a chance to go back until November. In November they found out that there were now two cysts sitting on my right ovary, which kind of freaked me out. I was pretty much willing to remove them myself. So, finally, in December, I went in for my third ultrasound and found out that the cysts I have are functional cysts, meaning that they only fill up during ovulation, release the egg, and then pretty much disappear after each period. It's good that they aren't harmful necessarily (painful yes, but that doesn't matter), but I'm not too happy with the fact that they are going to keep on showing up.
Last confession I can think of: I suffer from sleep apnea. Yeah, big shock, I know...
So, I just picked up all of the equipment for my sleep therapy today, which will end up making me sound vaguely like Darth Vader.
Like I said, no big confessions here, but maybe if these problems get fixed, or at least become less of a problem, then I might be able to feel a bit better...about everything.
So yeah, I think I've written enough for today. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to throw up a little and then take some ibuprofen because I am in worlds of pain right now.
Take care everyone. Talk to you later.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
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