Happy New Year's...I guess

Okay, I don't want to ruin New Year's Eve for everyone, so I'm just going to say: Have a great New Year's Eve and an amazing 2007!

Take care everyone,
Bettina

Quizzes Galore...Part One

Hey people,

Well, this is my more upbeat post...finally.
I hope everyone had a good Christmas.
Enjoy these test results, take these tests, let me know about your results, and yeah, I'll try and write about something more relevant next time (or simply at a later time).

Take care,
Bettina

You Are Strawberry Pocky

Your attitude: fresh and sweet Comforting, yet quirky ... quietly hyper You always see both sides to everything

What Flavor Pocky Are You?

You Are Best Described By...

Sleep by Salvador Dali

What Famous Work of Art Are You?

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

You Are a Lemon Margarita

Sour, tangy, and overpowering, you tend to give people a jolt back into reality. While you don't sugar coat things, you're honest - which is actually quite refreshing.

What Flavor Margarita Are You?

Your Pickup Line Is

What's a sexy hottie like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?

The Magical Pick Up Line Generator

Star Wars Horoscope for Cancer

You may whine at times, but you've developed a thick hard shell (like that of a crab). You are strong willed and persistent - until you get what you want. You never shy away from a fight, even when things get dangerous. Mentally sharp, you are starting to master the elements of mind manipulation. Star wars character you are most like: Luke Skywalker

What Is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

A bit of a crisis?

Okay...so I do have something to write about, but I think it is quite stupid, at least part of me does. I just pretty much don't want to be who I am right now. I guess I've reached the point where I want to be wanted in any and every possible way. I want to be desired...probably even lusted after.
The problem with that is, I am not the person others want/desire/lust after. Even my boyfriend has a completely different type of woman he wants...and I get it. It's the same way with almost everybody else, but I have absolutely nothing in common with his fantasy girl...well, other than the being female part. Usually, your partner has at least one attribute in common with your fantasy...
These are the things that at least I think are wrong with me: I am too tall, too heavy, my breasts are too big, my voice is all wrong, my hair is off, and my face in general is just completely wrong. If anything at all, I'm the type of girl you're friends with and you might even consider marrying, but not really one you want.
Sorry, I don't mean to put myself down... I feel especially bad because I promised someone I consider to be very close to me that I wouldn't insult myself, but this just completely overcame me and I don't want something as stupid and silly and vain as this to eat away at me.
So, I would also like to apologize to this close friend of mine for writing this message. You can always lecture me on it later. I'm trying to not insult myself and to not beat myself up, but it's just so damn hard...especially now and I'm not sure why.
Well, I hope everyone is doing okay and I'll try to write a more upbeat message the next time around.

Take care everyone.

Anonymous is not Anonymous anymore

Well, it turns out that I do know the "new" Anonymous. I guess I just wasn't expecting this person to make the comments he/she made. Honestly, I can't believe that I couldn't figure out who it was...
Oh well, this is pretty much all I wanted to write about. I am at a creative low and any attempt at writing something deep and meaningful would just burn and crash. So, I'll just let some music do the talking.

Who are you Anonymous?

You know, I'm usually good with figuring out who my "anonymous" people are, but I'm stumped this time.

So, I'm going to list your comments, and I would really like for you to contact me, outside of this blog, so at least I know who you are.

First: From my post "A little somethin' somethin'" written on Tuesday, November 14th

anonymous said:
"I don't know what to say - I have had moments like this before, but you know it would not be a solution it only would present me with more thoughts of this kind! I know this sounds selfish, but I want to be selfish if it saves you!!!"

My response to this: Why would you be selfish? I think it's really sweet that you're willing to be selfish to save me, but since I can't really figure out who you are, I don't know what to say...it's odd, yet sweet. However, I really appreciate your comment on this! :)

Second: From my post "How dumb am I really?" written on Thursday, November 16th

anonymous said:
"Great! You are smarter than me!"

My response: Huh...I only know one other person who took this... So, I have to wonder... Are you who I think you are? Or are you someone completely different?

Yes, that was very vague of me, but this person must have a reason why he/she listed him/herself as anonymous, so I don't want to state my assumptions on this blog.

So, new person, who are you? Tell me. I don't mind the comments that are listed as anonymous, but I am curious and would like to know if I already know you. If you can't figure out a way to contact me off of this blog, just post another comment in response to this post, but I think that my profile should show you a way to contact me...

Okay, that's all from me for now.

Take care everyone!

Erster deutscher Eintrag

Hallo meine Lieben!

Dies hier wird mein erster deutscher Eintrag auf dieser Blog sein. Manche von euch werden sich sicherlich fragen wieso ich jetzt auf einmal auf deutsch schreibe. Die meisten von euch werden diesen Eintrag aber ueberhaupt nicht oder kaum verstehen koennen. Na ja, ich red' zwar noch ziemlich viel auf deutsch, aber ich kriege nicht besonders viele Gelegenheiten um auf deutsch zu schreiben (ich sollte Oma vielleicht ab und zu mal was schreiben).
Tja...was gibt's denn sonst noch so zu schreiben?
Mensch! Jetzt faellt mir nichts mehr ein! Ein anderes Mal vielleicht...
Also, passt gut auf euch auf!

Bis spaeter

Changes and other mundane things

Ohayoo minasan,

I hope everyone is doing okay! I'm not quite sure how I'm doing, but I think that my medication is making me slightly nauseous...probably because I haven't been taking it regularly...*cough, cough*... Don't worry, I'm working on it.

First off, important announcement: My dear family and friends, let me know what you want for Christmas! You might not get it right on Christmas, but you will get it during that timeframe (unless something goes horribly wrong)!!!!

Secondly, as you can probably tell (well, maybe not...) I have changed a few things on this baby.

1) The color: I was getting sick of that shade of pink and even though I don't like like this color too much either, it still looks more "me" than the pink did. I'm also pretty sure that most of you will appreciate the change in color as well. I like pink, but not all shades of it and even then only in moderation.

2) I added on a picture...not much else to say about that.

3) Links: I switched some of them around...most of them to be more precise...and then I added on a new link. Trifthen is now my first link because...well, I visit his site the most often (even if he thinks that like only one person ever reads his posts...and I doubt that he was talking about me!). The new link is the fourth one on the list, which is listed as Metal Angel. This link leads to the LiveJournal of the author of Indecent, Sarah Katherine Lewis.

4) Christmas list: Yes, I posted one (underneath the Links section). Several people have asked me what I want and this is a list of things that I...well, want. I know that the list is long, but that's because I wanted to give everyone a whole bunch of things to choose from. Of course, I listed the items from the ones I would like to have the most to the ones that can wait, but that doesn't mean that I'm expecting to get the items at the top of the list (with the exception of the first item listed - the letter).

5) Who's hot list: I posted a list of who I think are the most attractive people in the world (underneath the Blog Archive section). They are listed in alphabetic order because I haven't been able to come up with a satisfying order yet. It also doesn't show all of the people that I put on the list because it is longer than my Christmas list. In the near future, hopefully as soon as finals are over, I will do my best to dedicate a post to each of the people on this, with pictures and/or video clips. So, even if I don't end up showing the whole list, you'll know who's on it either way.

I think that's all I have to say about blog changes...

So, I guess it's on to the other mundane stuff!

Tonight CBS will be showing the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show at 10/9c, which I fully intend on watching...and umm...taping...

Oh no...hahaha...I completely forgot what else I wanted to write about...*sigh* That's just depressing...

Okay people, I had a good run at this, but I'm way out of steam (didn't know I had any to run on to begin with...), sooo, I'll write something else later.

Since I'm currently in such a poppy mood, musically, I thought I'd share this with you:



Take care people *mwah*

An Indecent Review (don't read if you can't deal with anything remotely sexual)

Have you ever wondered what really goes on behind the closed doors of a strip club? Those sort of hidden and somewhat shady-appearing "massage parlors" or "tanning salons"?
Have you ever wondered what kind of a woman would choose to work in the adult entertainment industry?
If you have, then Indecent is *the* book for you. If you haven't...well, I would still say that this book is worth skimming through at least. Who knows, maybe you'll even find it worth actually reading... ;)
Written by a former sex worker (even though last I checked she was still working in the adult entertainment industry), Sarah Katherine Lewis gives her readers a rather sobering image of what actually goes on in this industry. I'm not going to say that the book was all good. There were some areas of the book that went by rather slowly, other areas were not as fleshed out as I would have liked them to be, and at some parts it just felt like she did not like anyone other than her colleagues. However, as life usually goes, not all is as it seems and I found out that Sarah Katherine Lewis is an unbelievably kind and sincere human being.
Her writing might seem harsh or vulgar to some at times, but overall, she reminds you of one of your friends. (At least that was the case with me.) She even manages to bring quite a bit of humor to an industry that seems to be unbelievably serious and in some areas more than just plain disgusting.
Another area of note is the way this autobiography is divided up. You do not only see the standard chapters, but also subchapters. Both the chapters and subchapters have their own unique titles, such as Holy Hand Jobs and Pussy Sweatshop as chapter titles, and various song titles as the subchapter titles.
One of the things I liked the most about Indecent, other than the book in general, was how Sarah K. Lewis described her journey from being an adult entertainment "virgin" to becoming a kind of jack...or jill of all trades in the sex industry.
Her use of vivid descriptions helps the reader step inside the world and mind of a sex worker...regardless of whether it is Ms. Lewis talking about her on-the-job "training" at a "tanning salon", her customers somehow being mysteriously and maybe even subconsciously drawn to each other's bodily fluids, her feelings about a special breed of customers she calls "relaters", how even doctors can become completely ignorant jerkwads once most or all of their blood manages to flow to their other head, or even her mentioning something as seemingly common as body image issues off and on throughout the book.
Overall, this book is a great read. You do not even have to be obsessed with sex, as I obviously seem to be to, to be able to somewhat like this book. Some of you might be disgusted with a few parts of this book, but I'm sure that if you take a look at each of your lives up until now, you should be more than able to find something that others might find remotely disgusting. Yes, life can also be highly disgusting at times...get used to it.
The way I see this book is that it is more a peek at a woman's journey in one of the most controversial and toughest industries that the free world has to offer. I can also pretty much guarantee that after you have read this book, you will most likely be ever so slightly grateful for the job you have, even though once you boil sex work down to its basic components, you will be hard-pressed to find any major differences (if any at all) between sex work and any other type of job in the service sector.
Well, that is it for me. Please let me know how you like Indecent should any of you decide to read it.

Thanks everyone! Hope you liked my review.
Love you all and thank you Sarah for responding to my message! I can't tell you how happy I was to read it!

Hugs and kisses

Endspurt!

Yes people, it is that time of the semester again. Just two more weeks and then...FINALS...whoooooo!!!!

No, I am definitely not drunk...or drugged. If anything, I am just unbelievably tired and I have a headache or migraine...don't know which. For those of you who have a life...(here's a hint: if you're reading this, you obviously don't, but no worries...neither do I) here is what you missed: I ended up having to go to the Quad Cities for an ultrasound and a sleep study. Yeah, THAT went well...
Thanks to the stomach flu, I now have to redo my sleep study. Aside from that, I recently found out that I have to set up another ultrasound. Not just any ultrasound though people because that would be relaxing...to me. No, I'm talking about a transvaginal ultrasound...yeah, think about that one for a few. I'm not going to say anything else about that until a later post though.

All I have to say is: Ganbatte minasan!
If you don't have finals to worry about...well, lucky you, but I'm sure you have other things to deal with, right? So, good luck with those things then!

And to all my wonderful friends, I love you all!
If you ever need or want to talk to me, you know where to find me, for I am never far from you.
Hugs and kisses!!

For Kicks And Giggles

The following video is from a German movie, well, actually parody of Star Trek. It's made by the crew of the Bullyparade (look it up if you're interested). If you belong to the unfortunate few of my American friends who I've subjected to this movie, then you should enjoy it. Heck, even without having seen this movie, you should find this video at least somewhat amusing.
Viel Vergnuegen!

Oomph! Video

Hello everyone,

I have a video I would like to share with you. It's...I think, the newest music video from one of my favorite bands Oomph!. They are a German group and their music just really strikes a chord with me. I just love their music...
So, enjoy and tell me what you think about it and/or if you want see more of their videos! Take care!

New playlist

As some of you may have noticed, I put up some music for your enjoyment...well, fine, for my enjoyment... Since I have the same set of songs on both this blog and my Tagged site, I thought I'd change things a little, so now I put a completely new set of songs.
If you didn't notice, then fine...there's not much I can say about that, right?
Here is a list of the songs on my current playlist (and yes, you can switch through them):
1. Some Girls (Dance With Women) - JC Chasez (What?! I actually think he's okay! I mean, he can't be worse than Justin Timberlake...)
2. 100 Ways - JC Chasez
3. Shake It - JC Chasez
4. All Day Long I Dream About Sex - JC Chasez
5. How Much Is The Fish - Scooter
6. Creep - Dannii Minogue
7. I Begin To Wonder - Dannii Minogue
8. Hey! (So What) - Dannii Minogue
9. On The Loop - Dannii Minogue
10. Push - Dannii Minogue
11. Mystified - Dannii Minogue
12. Don't Wanna Lose This Feeling - Dannii Minogue
13. Come Into My World - Kylie Minogue
14. In Your Eyes - Kylie Minogue
15. Pop - NSync (This song is actually pretty decent.)
16. Sunglasses At Night - Corey Hart (I was actually looking for the newer version that was released in 2002, but I couldn't find it.)
17. Walk Away - Kelly Clarkson

So, have fun people! :)

Sexual Style

Do I need to say anything else about this? I think I need to get my boyfriend's opinion on this one... ;)

You scored as Hot. You are Hot, you scream and are wild, people love doing anything sexual with you. Hot 75% Violent 69% Exciting 69% Shy 56% Wet 56% Soft 50% Awkward 31% Sweet 31% What is your sexual style? created with QuizFarm.com

How dumb am I really?

According to this, obviously not that dumb, or I'm just extremely lucky. However, if I look at my track record with being lucky, I'm going to go with the "not being that dumb" answer.

A little somethin' somethin'

I decided to write about something today that seems to be all too familiar to me. Maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't. If you're bothered by the lack of punctuation or anything in that area, remember that it's supposed to be like that way. I guess it is more a stream of thought...so enjoy, that is, if you enjoy stuff like this...

I'm sitting here
alone in the bathroom
looking at the knife in my hand
My hand is shaking uncontrollably
as if something inside is resisting the temptation
The temptation to end it all
the irresistible urge to escape from this cage
Why I am doing this?
What exactly am I thinking?
Something inside of me is stirring
something darker and more dangerous than anything else in this universe
It speaks to me
its words sharper than the knife I am holding
What's wrong?
What are you afraid of?
You have nothing to lose
Nobody cares about you
Nobody will miss you
Nobody will notice that you're gone
You are worthless
You can't do anything right
Not even this
My whole body is trembling
I can barely breathe
My heart feels like it's going to explode
Tears are rolling down my face
What is the big deal anyway?
All I have to do is make a few strategically placed cuts
No, I can't!!!!
With a renewed outburst of tears and a sense of frustration
I throw the knife into the bathtub
Does this mean I'm done?
Hardly
I take a handful of pills
I don't even know what they are all for
All I know is that they will take away the pain
for a few hours at least
As I get up
I see my reflection in the bathroom mirror
No...it's not mine
It's the image of my enemy
The image of someone worthless
someone who doesn't deserve to live
I feel my blood start to boil
and as I stare her in the eyes
I punch her
The glass shatters
and my hand starts to bleed
it starts to hurt
but I don't care
As I lick the blood off of my hand
I can't help but feel some odd sense of fulfillment
and satisfaction

What's up little man?

Yesterday was quite interesting... The strain of cold I have currently managed to knock me out cold until it was too late to go to class. This didn't really make me happy, but there's not much I can do if my body is practically forcing me into a time out. I still went to work though, which might not have been smart, but I need to earn money, so I don't have many legal options in that area. After work, I went to the mall to say hi to my boyfriend and to have my hair cut. This is where I saw him, a little boy came into the salon with his dad and he didn't look happy at all. I thought it was kind of cute because he seemed to be pouting for the heck of it. So, I'm looking at this kid and all of a sudden, he turns to stare at me. Not look, stare. I actually felt like someone had slapped me, so I tried not to continue looking at this kid. Now, not many people make me feel like this, let alone a child, but for some odd reason, he made me feel really uncomfortable. So, the dad and his son sit down in the chairs next to me, and what happens a few minutes later? This little boy is starting to burn holes in the side of my head with all of the staring he's doing. There were a few moments when I actually wanted to face this kid and ask "What is your problem?!". I didn't want to do that next to the boy's father though and I don't think I would've done it anyway. However, if his father hadn't been right there, I would've stared right back since that usually puts an end to it. Somehow I get the feeling though, that staring back at this particular guy, would not have stopped him from staring.
Ah well, what can you do?
I, however, need to get ready to go to class.

Talk to everyone soon,
Bettina

Sex on the brain

Okay, so maybe it's me being sick for the third time during the last 30 days, maybe it's my hormones...I don't know...but right now, I am constantly thinking about sex. Now, I'm in a relationship with a person I really love, but that doesn't stop me from thinking about who to have sex with, how much, how long, how rough, what positions, etc. I feel like Jessica Alba's character in Dark Angel, Max Guevera, who had cat genes mixed in with her DNA, which had the great effect of sending her into a sexual frenzy every so often. This makes for an absolutely hilarious episode, or in some cases a somewhat sad episode, when she ends up sleeping with some guy, even though she loves Logan. However, it's not very funny when you experience something similar in real life...at least not when there isn't much you can do about it... So, I can't actually have sex because...I have a boyfriend who wants to wait (I respect this choice, I'm not blaming him for my dilemma), which means that my code of ethics forbids me from doing anything stupid...and I can't or don't feel comfortable masturbating since I am currently having my period and whatnot...so I am really trying to get at least some of the sex out of my head.
So yeah, I'm sick in more ways than one...but what else is new... As much as I like sex (this doesn't necessarily pertain to intercourse alone), and as much as it is an inherent part of all of us, I don't want to have to think about it all the time, especially with me feeling as weak and dizzy as I am at the moment...
Anyway, I hope everyone else is doing fine and I'll write again soon.

Baibai

Updates

Hello everyone!

I just wanted to inform everyone of two new links that I have put in my Links section. Of course, you can't see all of that information right off because it has all been shoved down to the bottom of this page. I know that there's probably a way to fix it, but it's still here, so I don't really care too much.
Anyway, updates. New links. Yeah.
Both of them have to do with me because I have decided to start a Myspace and since I have been "tagged" by two of my friends, I now have also joined that community. I made both of the sites accessible to the public, so you should be able to take a look at them.
If you want to take a look at them, you can either scroll all the way down to my Links section and you will find them listed as "Bettina on Tagged" and "Bettina on Myspace". That way you can also take a look at some other interesting links that may not be new, but pretty much all of them lead to the sites of my friends, so show them some love! One I especially recommend is the link listed as Trifthen because there's always something interesting to read and it's very well-written.
However, if you're too lazy to scroll down (sit back down and stop pouting...I'm extremely lazy right now too), I will just list them in this post:
1) http://www.tagged.com/benedettasophia
2) http://www.myspace.com/benedettasophia
Should you feel the urge to write any comments about any of my posts on my Tagged and Myspace sites, just write it in the comments section of the latest post here, or write me a message (if you know my e-mail address).
Okay, I'm done.

Have a good night,
Bettina

Something Gorier Than The Bloodiest Horror Movie

Well, just when you thought you were safe, something pops up and grabs you from behind, or in this case, lays in the toilet bowl and waits to be discovered...
As some of you might recall, I am having issues with one of my roommates. Well, that most certainly hasn't changed...but it does seem like he's trying to outdo himself every now and then.
So, what did he do yesterday? First, when I informed him of his current debt, he pretty much snapped back: "You already told me that". Of course, this was what it sounded: "Would you shut up already?! I don't want to deal with you or my debt. You're getting my (expletively deleted) nerves".
I almost took his head off for that response, but instead I just told him: "No, I didn't tell you about the most current amount you owe...but don't worry, it will increase". Of course, I used the most appropriate tone I could without yelling at him or beating him up for that.
Now, getting back to the toilet...
My boyfriend was on his way to bed and needed to use the bathroom upstairs, when, all of sudden, he asked me to come upstairs with a really worried look on his face. Since he was looking at the bathroom, I thought that my "special" roommate had, yet again, left the bathroom door open and the toilet lid up, which pisses me off enough as it is... However, I shouldn't be so lucky this time because as I walked closer to the bathroom, I saw that this jerk had managed to not flush the toilet, so I could practically tell what he had had to eat. The thing that made it even more disgusting was that there was absolutely no toilet paper in the toilet bowl...
So yeah, I had a fun end to my day.
Sorry if I ruined anyone else's day...

Take care everyone and ja mata,
Bettina

Here's to you Dad

I am posting this to show my dad that, obviously, you can never be too young to be sarcastic. So, Dad, be proud of your completely sarcastic daughter because she won't be going anywhere.
Yet again, take this test if you can and want, and please let me know what you got.

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny. Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it. And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.

How Sarcastic Are You?

Take care,
Bettina