Something's been on my mind lately...

...and I guess I just want to kick this out in the open.


I'm kinda irked by people asking me why I take so much damn medication. The main reason this gets to me is because the question implies that I have a choice in the matter. Granted, I could always say "Screw it" and just stop taking medication, but then my body would probably kill me faster than it already is.


So, here is what I am taking and why:

1) Synthroid - My thyroid glands aren't working as quickly as they should be, and considering that pretty much all of the human body depends on these glands, I need to be on this for the rest of life. Unfortunately, my doctor doesn't want to get sued, so I am only given enough for my body to function on a minimally "normal" level.
2) Paxil - Ah yes, without this medication, I would be suffering from a nervous breakdown at least once a week. Paxil allows me to live a somewhat "normal" life without feeling the need to be overly self-destructive and, dare I say it, suicidal.
3) Yaz - Honestly, I'm not completely sure being on this medication is worth it. The pros are that I am not completely fatigued and in labor-worthy levels of pain during my period. The cons are that the pain actually gets spread out, so it doesn't really go away, and that I still get ovarian cysts (which also hurts). Other than that, I don't have sex anyways...so I constantly forget why I'm taking Yaz.
4) Ibuprofen - I can live with a tremendous amount of pain. In fact, I find pain to be quite motivating most of the time. However, when you feel like sticking a knife in the side of your face because the pain in your jaw joint and ear area is so damn great, which I've been told supposedly isn't an option, then you need to do something else about it. So, I take ibuprofen. Usually, I need about 600 mg to ease the pain, but sometimes I do need to take more.
5) Acetaminophen - I only take this for headaches, which have been cropping up a lot lately... For my average headache, I need about 1 g of acetaminophen, which I think is bordering on excessive, considering that the labels suggest taking only 400 mg. And let's not even talk about how much I had to take last night to make the pain go away (1.6 g).

As for other meds, I occasionally take Benadryl for the random allergic episodes I go through.

It may seem like a lot to some people, but I have my reasons for taking all of them (including Yaz). If everything went according to me, I would not be taking anything. I can't stand taking medication...and I have my reasons for that attitude as well, which I will not be getting into in this post.


I'm sorry if I have made anyone upset or uncomfortable writing about medications, but it's just been on my mind quite a bit for the past few days.

Anyway, I'm still catching up on a few things, so it might be a while until my next post. Something I am still working on is a smoking hot review of Rabbit Rue, which I promise will be posted before the end of the year. I know I'm really reaching for the stars with that deadline...

As always, ki o tsukete ne,
Bettina

Return to the surface

Light at the end of the tunnel
Emerging from this dark hole
Body sore and exhausted from the strain
Trouble breathing
And yet moving forward
No time to relax
The flames of passion burning more intensely than ever before
Ready to live
Ready to fight
Ready to survive
Anger, determination, love, compassion, sorrow
All flowing into one
Life and willpower returning

Unsure about the future
Will the darkness return?
No choice
Need to live
Need to fight
Need to survive
Can't stop this fire from burning
Taking slow, but steady steps
Pushing through the crowds
Never willing to give up
Never one to be messed with
Prepared to knock all the traitors back

Should the darkness still catch up
I will fight
and thrive
and even survive
Live to see a new day
And refuse to accept anything less

I'm done! Yatta! Yatta!

Well, the semester is now officially over for me...and now all I want to do is poke holes in the air or pass out. Unfortunately, I am only granted a brief reprieve since I have to set up a new schedule, look at apartments in Urbana/Champaign/Savoy, pick one, do some major cleaning, find a supplementary job during my "vacation", and fulfill all of the duties that I am usually expected to fulfill.
This semester, like the last, was a disaster. Unlike last semester, it didn't take such a high toll on my already cracked emotional/mental/physical states, which I am quite grateful for. Who knows...maybe by the time I graduate, everything will be the way it was...umm...before 2006, I suppose?
Ah well, enough of my whiny ass. I have a bladder to empty and body to feed. Maybe I can write about something more positive in my next post.

Take care mina san!

Happy Valentine's/ National Condom/ Single Awareness Day

Yes people, pick your day. We have Valentine's Day for the romantically-inclined couples among you; Single Awareness Day for the mildly depressed, lonely and longing, or the independent; and of course my pick and personal favorite: National Condom Day (whoo!).
Well, that's all I really have to about (insert your day).
UIUC actually showed that they had some common sense and not only cancelled all of their classes yesterday, but also all of today's classes, which made me quite happy. Of course, one of my room mates/friends still drove to work yesterday and ended up getting stuck on his way back, which was quite annoying because he got stuck unbelievably close to home.
So, my boyfriend, this friend, and I wandered through what could be called snow deserts to try to free his car from the snow and get it home safely, but alas, no such luck. There were about 6 other cars stuck in the same area and we wouldn't have been able to get the car very far anyway. I almost sprained my ankle at least a few dozen times on the way there and back, which almost caused me to just lay on the snow and call it a day, but I'm not the type of person to give up and in. Unfortunately, I thought my body was going to completely shut down on me after we got back last night, I might get a cold (I had quite the cough last night and my voice is still raspy), and my ankles and calves are making me pay for last night. Oh well, this is a small price to pay if it means that I can be of at least some help to the people I hold near and dear to my heart.
The good news is: He managed to get his car back today and it is now parked safely in the carport.
I do regret though that I forgot to take pictures of the mess outside, but there's not much I can do about that now.
Hmm, what else is there to write...
We had quite the relaxing day today. We watched the unrated extended director's cut of "The Grudge" along with a track produced by the guy, who I guess produced the Mystery Science Theater 3000 show. However, that track was recorded for the theater version of "The Grudge", so we ended up getting commentary that didn't make much or any sense at certain spots of the movie. Then we got food and attempted to get the car out of the snow, but in the end, a tow truck had to get the car out.
Anyway, I need to finish up, so I can get my school stuff ready, read another chapter from "Monkey", and relax while watching "The Grudge 2". Didn't I say that I was sick and insane? Who knows if I'll even make it to the movie-watching part...

Talk to everyone later.

This week's score: Bettina: 1...Death: 0

Yes! I have managed to survive yet another week.
Sooo, let's see what I have to report...
Monday went over pretty normal. Tuesday did quite a number on me because I thought I knew where I had put my meds, but I just couldn't find them until after I had managed to make it home relatively safely and slightly shaking. Damn anxiety disorder... All I have to say is: NO MORE SNOW! Note that I am writing this after having checked weather.gov and finding out that there is a forecast for even more snow early next week. Ummm...Wednesday I was 15 minutes late for my Japanese class, which really got to me because I had a chapter quiz that day. Oddly enough, I still managed to be the first to finish the quiz. Nothing much happened yesterday...wait...oh yeah, I nearly killed myself yesterday! On campus, several of the buildings have very smooth steps, which become dangerously slippery with only a few drops of water on them (okay, it takes a bit more than a few drops...). Anyway, I managed to nearly break my neck walking down one of them and almost bust my knee open walking up another set of those stairs. Then I nearly sprained my ankle because I am completely incapable of walking...on grounds covered with unevenly pressed-down snow. Well, as for today, I woke up with a sore arm, which was caused by me sleeping on the tube of my sleep mask. Unfortunately, I also woke up ten minutes later than usual, but oh well... What else... I had my first midterm exam (Japanese) today, which is kind of early in the semester, but since I have two midterm exams for Japanese, I guess it works.
Well, I think that pretty much covers my week. I am also quite happy to be watching "Dirt" again. "Dirt" is a show with Courtney Cox Arquette that deals with the world of gossip and tabloids and well...dirt. It's actually pretty good. It has interesting characters, storylines, and like FX's other series "Nip/Tuck", it manages to push the boundaries of what "regular" television has to offer. In addition to that, it reintroduces us to Paul Reubens, who has a recurring role as the main character's former mentor.
Huh...I think I'm done. For now at least...

Talk to you later,
Bettina

"I need to find breasts that fit", Spring Semester '07, Hormones, and other such things

Okay, this might get kind of long, so bear with me and comment if you can and want.

The first part of this post pertains to that lovely quote in the post title. That is something I said yesterday. Now, some of you might be wondering "Hmmm...now why would Bettina say something like that?" Well, that's because I didn't mean to say that. What I had ACTUALLY meant to say was "I need to find a bra that fits..."
Unfortunately, that didn't quite work out... The reason why I had attempted to say that was the fact that the underwire of one of my bras had managed to give me a few bruises, which aggravates me slightly. I USED to have a DD cup size, but for the past few months (as in the past 12 months), I have been noticing that my cups are running over, which doesn't look as hot as it might sound. It sure as hell doesn't feel as hot...
So yeah, I need a bigger bra...but I haven't quite figured out which cup size yet. I think it might be an E or some other insane size.

As some as you might have noticed the spring semester has started recently, and after having been sore, confused, and completely exhausted (even with sleep therapy) for all of the school week, I am proud to say that I survived the first week just fine. I have a load of pretty interesting classes this semester: Elementary Japanese 2, Masterpieces of East Asian Literature, Intro to Language Science, and Abnormal Psychology. Some of you might be wondering, why I am not in a higher Japanese course, especially since I have been studying Japanese since I've been 15 years old (I did have several lengthier breaks during the past 6 years though, but I should probably still be further along), but I didn't do as well as I had hoped last semester, so I thought it would be wise to take two steps back. Sometimes you have to step back in order to leap forward, and that is the path I have chosen.
The second course listed should also be interesting because we are going over literature in China, Korea, and Japan. The first book we will be going over is "Monkey" by Wu Ch'eng-en, which some might recognize as the story that inspired the anime series Dragon Ball. So, that should be somewhat fun to read.
As for Intro to Language Science, I am taking that course because I used to want to major in Linguistics, but as the universe should have it, I changed to Japanese and have been sticking to it like a leech ever since. Who knows...I just might minor in Linguistics...(it depends on how masochistic I feel after this semester though)
Last, but not least, Abnormal Psychology should be unbelievably fascinating all by itself, but that's not the only reason I'm taking it. I want to set Psychology up as a second major, but they require me to take several courses at UIUC first.

Now onto to my favorite topic: Hormones
If you guessed sex...fine, you're right...don't worry hormones either end up at the topic of sex or at least pass it. In my case, hormones lead to the topic of sex, so no worries people.
I love hormones, even if mine are slightly off, but sometimes they can be a real pain. Over the years, I have noticed something interesting...there are certain times, when more men (in this case) take notice of you than you would like and women (again in this case) tend to look at you like they want to rip your throat out. Well, it's that time of the month for me again...ovulation. Older men, in this case they are creepy as well, hit on me and I can tell that they are undressing me with their eyes... Younger men look me up and down and/or look kind of confused... As for the women, well, some act just fine towards me, but the others can be unbelievably hostile towards me.
Now, if that were the only issue...I'd still be annoyed about it, I admit it. There's nothing that could take away from that feeling, unless I actually felt that I was attractive enough to warrant such behavior.
However, my sex drive is also so high that I feel like locking myself up in a box and putting myself in the basement, so I'm less of a danger to others and myself. Okay...it's probably not THAT bad, but it's pretty damn close. Right now I am in serious need of testosterone...or sex...or both. So, all I can do is take a few dozen cold showers, press up against all the walls in the house, and toss and turn and toss and turn...and hope that it doesn't get so bad that I start to have guys I would never consider smelling, let alone touching (some of you know who I am talking about), appear in my dreams and fantasies. I'm not too worried though because, so far, that has never happened.

Oh well, that's all the news from my disturbing universe.

Here's a final thing I have to share: Quiz results...yay!

Your Slanguage Profile

British Slang: 25% Canadian Slang: 25% Prison Slang: 25% Aussie Slang: 0% New England Slang: 0% Southern Slang: 0%

What Slanguage Do You Speak?

Please note how I have 25% in each of the first three categories, but 0% in the last three. It's really weird because I've never been to prison and I don't have any direct contact with people who have been/are in prison...but I was born and spent the first nine years of my life in the South and my father is a Texan. I'm happy with it though. It would have been nice to get something in the "Aussie" category, now that I think about it...

Talk to you guys later.

I need to write

Well, I told myself that I should post something, but the question is what...
On my Myspace blog, the last three posts have been about Lindsay Lohan's stupidity. In case you have a life, which I believe that most of you should have, you will not have heard about this. I think it might have been a week ago, but Miss Lohan had to have emergency surgery on her appendix because of recurring pain in that area and her being diagnosed with appendicitis.
Now you would think that she would rest for some time after surgery, but no, she had to go off and party a mere eight hours after this surgical procedure. Eight hours! She has got to be completely meschugge!
In addition to that, she was supposedly also diagnosed with a liver infection. Now, how would she have a liver infection? That's because Tinseltown lets her babies run around wild and drink whenever and whatever they want. Unfortunately, I'm not overly surprised by this because she also smokes, even though she has asthma, and hasn't been that healthy of a person to begin with.
I just decided that writing about Lindsay Lohan might get some people talking and I just wanted to express my disappointment about her stupidity and recklessness.
I guess I just wanted to shove her out there as an example of how not to be.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I didn't want to write about Miss Lohan again...

Spring semester starts on Tuesday. Whoo!
I have to work hard this semester... No worries though, I'm looking forward to working hard.
We were supposed to have an ice storm here, but no, just loads of rain. I love rain! Unfortunately, it's a bit too cold to run out there without shoes or socks on.
I also managed to run into my favorite type of man today. The creepy type. I went grocery shopping and he just walked by the aisle with one of his friends and said "How are you doing?". Now, if this were a Joey-type of guy, it would have been funny and kind of cute, but it wasn't...so it was just creepy. Usually, I would have looked disgusted and scared and looked away, but something just came over me. I just stared him in the face and smirked. As soon as they walked away and I left the aisle, this is what went through my head: "What the HELL was THAT?!?!" I then had a small anxiety attack that he would follow me and think that I actually like him. Luckily for me...for once...I only saw him two more times after that (and he only actually saw me once out of those two times) and then I was GONE.
So yeah, interesting evening. This is why I like to do the pursuing a lot of times because if I end up with a complete jerk and creep...well, then it's my fault. At least I can tell myself that then...
I already told my Schatzi about it and he could only tell me "Good job" and I am going to have to agree with him on that one. Letting someone who could hurt you see your weak side might not be the way to go, but I don't think that smirking is the answer either.

Different topic: I am thinking of writing stories and poems and stuff like that. I would like to know if anyone would be interested in me doing that. If nobody responds to this, I will still write stories and poems and whatnot, but if I am going to post them on my blog, I would like for people to want to read them and give me feedback and so on. I know...it sounds really stupid of me to ask because it's my blog, so I should care less about the opinions of others, but I'm just not that kind of a person.

Okay, I'm done. This post probably doesn't make any sense.

Take care everyone...talk to you later.

Bettina