...and for once it's not me. I just read a comment from my mother, even though she wrote it as Anonymous. She is mad at me for stating that life doesn't hold much appeal to me anymore.
Since it is too late to call her, I guess I'll let a few things out on my blog since it's going to have to be let out somewhere...
Let me tell you something, my dear mother, if things went according to you, I would just shut up or lie about my feelings.
Guess what, I'll be damned if I start to lie about my feelings and thoughts again. You know, Mom, be glad that you only suffer from situational depression. At least you know that it will eventually pass. I'm stuck with therapy and medication. Who knows...I might get lucky and the depression will get better with the sleep therapy, Synthroid and Paxil, but for now, I am stuck in this dark hole. I am stuck in a war I didn't ask to be in and so far, I have been on my own. I tried going down the road of shutting up and guess what...I screwed myself over even more.
You want to know why you are paying for my education! Here's why: There is a part of me, hidden away in a safe and dark room in my mind, that believes that things will eventually get better. A part of me does still believe that once I've fought my way through this time in my life, I will feel better.
So, if you could get off it and try to understand what I might be going through (like I have been doing with you), then you wouldn't be getting upset at a sentence in one of my posts. It was one sentence, for crying out loud! You know, if you get mad at me, then I have to get at least twice as mad at myself for getting you mad. I'm sure you have better things to get mad at anyway...
So, now that I have gotten mad as well, I think I'm going to have to stand outside in the cold for a little bit.
No comments:
Post a Comment