My Thoughts On 2006 And Confessions

For those faint of heart...and Mom: Please cover your ears (well, close your eyes...whichever keeps you from reading this post is fine with me).

Ears covered? Eyes shut?.............Good.



So, how was my 2006? Well, let me try to summarize it...
Imagine being raped in every way possible while being tied up with rusty barbed wire. That's pretty much the way 2006 went for me.
I don't think that I've ever been as exhausted, depressed, or in as much pain as I've been during the past year.
Oddly enough...I can't say that this has been my most suicidal year, but I have had the highest number of suicidal or self-destructive thoughts...
This has more to do with the irregularity of my medicine intake though...I think.
I had actually been thinking about beating 2007 to the punch and completely withdrawing from friends, family, society, the world, and even the universe because this streak of my life tearing itself (and everything in it) up started in 2005, but it was only mildly irritating and confusing then. It just got progressively worse in 2006. So now I'm kind of worried about how far things will spiral downwards this year. However, I am doing my best to not think about it too much...otherwise, I just might be asking for things to get worse...

(Sigh)

On to my confessions...
It's nothing big, but I do want to get some things off of my chest.
As some of you may know, I have hypothyroidism, which means that my thyroid glands are too slow, and since these glands are pretty much responsible for everything in the body, my whole body isn't able to function properly.
I also suffer from a general anxiety disorder, social anxiety, and depression.
For all of these I am taking medication, but it's only two different types of pills, so it's not bad at all.
Last May, after a decade of excruciating pain (and me not wanting to talk to anyone about it) and the doctors shrugging the pain off as "normal" menstrual pain (you can kiss my behind, by the way...pain isn't something that can or should be considered normal), I finally got sent in for a transvaginal ultrasound. A transvaginal ultrasound is when the technician or doctor inserts a phallic-shaped device into the vaginal cavity to get a picture of any potential abnormalities in the lower body. This is how they discovered that I had a cyst on my right ovary, which was about an inch in diameter. Considering the size of the average ovary, that's a huge growth. I was supposed to go back for a follow-up ultrasound a month later, but with money and personal issues smacking me in the face at an increased rate, I didn't get a chance to go back until November. In November they found out that there were now two cysts sitting on my right ovary, which kind of freaked me out. I was pretty much willing to remove them myself. So, finally, in December, I went in for my third ultrasound and found out that the cysts I have are functional cysts, meaning that they only fill up during ovulation, release the egg, and then pretty much disappear after each period. It's good that they aren't harmful necessarily (painful yes, but that doesn't matter), but I'm not too happy with the fact that they are going to keep on showing up.
Last confession I can think of: I suffer from sleep apnea. Yeah, big shock, I know...
So, I just picked up all of the equipment for my sleep therapy today, which will end up making me sound vaguely like Darth Vader.
Like I said, no big confessions here, but maybe if these problems get fixed, or at least become less of a problem, then I might be able to feel a bit better...about everything.

So yeah, I think I've written enough for today. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to throw up a little and then take some ibuprofen because I am in worlds of pain right now.

Take care everyone. Talk to you later.