I honestly couldn't tell whether or not the guy was drunk, high or had simply spent too much time in the sun. But, and maybe this is just me, if you're invading someone's personal space with your dancing, opening a 40 right next to them, singing out loud and trying to stare them into submission, you clearly are looking to bother someone. Then again, what do I know about train decorum. I'm not Miss Manners and maybe he just received the best news ever, but I was just looking to get from point A to point B in peace and quiet. Who knows, maybe I just missed the memo that trains had become the new disco and was actually missing out on all the fun...
And so I tried my best to ignore him. I didn't want to give him any reason to think that I was even remotely interested in his attempts at peacocking. I didn't respond to him, I tried to move as far away from him as possible and used up most of my energy to not give in to his stares. Despite not looking at him directly, I could tell that he was starting to get frustrated with the lack of reciprocation. "Just stay strong. Don't even try to sneak a peek at him. You're almost there... Why is the train moving so slowly?" Bizarrely enough, repeating these phrases almost sent me into a meditative state. However, I also couldn't wait to put as much space between him and me as possible.
I've never been a fan of boisterous men...or women for that matter. While some people might think they're the life of the party, I just find them to be exhausting and annoying. Could I have my loud moments? Sure, but I usually only enjoyed those in the company of a trusted few and usually only in the privacy of someone's home. To me, there was simply a way one could act at home and a way one should act in public...which probably also explains why I barely have any friends. I couldn't help but think "Maybe people like to be annoyed... Maybe they like having someone completely disregard their boundaries..."
Only a couple more minutes and then I would be free. Free from the confines of this train, free to breathe in fresh air...free from this dude's invasive stare... What did he want from me? What was he trying to accomplish?
If only this were a one time thing, I could chalk it up as a freak accident. However, this wasn't the first time nor would it be the last time either. I had caught more than a few men staring over the past few days. Unfortunately, it was something that happened every so often and despite having had to deal with it for the past two decades, it still struck me as incredibly irritating and unnerving. I just wasn't sure why they were staring and what they were thinking. Did I even want to know? Probably not. Oddly enough, the increase in stares just so happened to line up with that time of the month. No, not THAT time. The time that happens two weeks before that.
It made sense, hormonally speaking, that men would respond more favorably to a woman at her most fertile. On the downside, the responses were usually unsolicited and I still hadn't learned to tune them out. Would I ever be able to? Was it even my responsibility to learn how to tune them out?
Finally...the train has stopped...and I am facing the wrong side... I could always just use the excuse that I meant to look out this way, just in case anyone asked. Nobody would, but it's always good to be prepared. Okay, I'm almost outsi...what was that? Did someone just place a hand on my back? Of course...it has to be him. Of all the people in this universe, he has to be the one to touch me.
What is he trying to do?! Guide me out of the train to my safety? Does he think I'm drunk because I was facing the wrong way? Or that I'm incapable of walking? Or navigating through a crowd of people? He better not move his hand further south...
"Just move. Just move as quickly away as possible..." Thank you. Fresh air, room to move, no more unwanted hands on my back... Is he still behind me? Oh good...he just moved past me. Finally...a sense of relief... Maybe he has to get to his next moving disco... Now...if only I could locate my friend...
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