So, it seems that pretty much everything I write, that pertains to me and my life at least, is incredibly depressing. And for that, I would like to apologize, especially since I know that my parents also read my blog. Not to mention that sad more easily begets sad than happy begets happy. If that makes sense. I can only imagine how tough it must be for my parents to be reading the things I write because, hey, what feels better than knowing that your child is seriously messed up and there is nothing you can do about it? I do want to thank them for being supportive, and I am honestly not trying to hurt/anger/sadden/disappoint them, or anyone for that matter.
At this point, I'm just trying to weigh my options, and as much as I don't want to give up and take the easy way out, I just might have to step back. Maybe this just isn't my fight to fight.
Studying is difficult enough as is, so I don't know why I decided to make it even harder on myself. I guess I ultimately thought I was doing everyone a favor by making the decision I made a couple of years ago. Maybe I thought things would be different. It's hard to say at this point because everything has sort of become this huge muddled mess.
All I know now is that I have some important decisions to make. In order to do that, I'm going to give myself a maximum of four weeks to think everything over. I just want to rule out any hormonal imbalances or the complications of readjusting to a regular class schedule as being potential culprits behind these thoughts. Unfortunately, at this point, it doesn't matter which decision I wind up making, I will more than likely hate myself for it. I just need to make sure that I make the one that I will hate myself for the least.
Anyways, thank you for reading, and hopefully, I'll have happier news to report next time.
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